Final Fantasy — 20th Anniversary Edition (2007)

Genre: RPG | Players: 1 | Developer: Tose

The first game in this (what came to be) ironically titled series is without question the most basic console RPG experience I’ve ever encountered. Yes, I do believe Mystic Quest is more complex than this is, in any of its iterations. Explore, talk to townsfolk, buy items, exchange items, fight baddies, and grind. That’s it. It’s quaint, almost painfully so.

You’re free to make a party of four, from six classes (Warrior, Thief, Monk, White Mage, Black Mage, Red Mage) and name them after you and your friends or other characters (oh hai Vivi~). The grinding could be considered severe depending on your history and personal tolerances, but it is structured to match the regimented story, at the very least. Gain ten levels to be comfortable in the introductory dungeon and ten more for each subsequent. Level 60 is where you’ll want to be for a winnable final encounter that will still elicit slight fears of failure.

In the original NES release, a pointedly dated/annoying mechanic was the system’s inability to automatically switch your aim to another enemy if the one you originally targeted was defeated by another party member. It’s been fixed in every other version, but it’s not a ‘smart’ system and you’ll still want to be careful about your assignments as you’ll often find your warrior suddenly attacking a smaller enemy that your mages could have taken out either alone, or in tandem, to save you a round of combat.

That’s another thinly veiled tip. Bring more than one mage if you aren’t doing a challenge run, of which there are MANY flavors. Of course, I have to admit that outside of those popular challenges and nostalgia for its own sake, there is NO reason to play this game, today. If you want to experience a standard, classic Final Fantasy, play IV or VI.

This version contains all of the bonus dungeons from the GBA version as well as an exclusive that utilizes a mechanic similar to VIII’s endgame. You’ll be repeatedly handicapping yourself in order to progress. For me, getting extra gear and fighting bosses from the later games is silly, but it’s extra content if you want it.

If you have a PSP and are absolutely sure you want to play it, this IS the version I recommend. All PSP owners need more games and it’s bright, crisp, colorful, and in widescreen here. Win.

Buyer’s Guide: Here we go. /takes deep breath: NES, MSX2 (what?), WonderSwan Color, Playstation (as part of FF Origins, in the west), GBA (as part of Dawn of Souls with II—fuck you II, die in a hole), iOS, PSP, Windows Phone, Android, Wii and Wii U Virtual Console, 3DS eshop, and the NES mini.

 

The Pixel Remasters look like ass trash, to me. I said it.

3 Parts of Neg Still Love To Name Nameless Characters out of 5

Daxter (2006)

Genre: Platformer | Players: 1-2 | Developer: Ready at Dawn

This PSP entry in the Jak and Daxter series stars the titular sidekick in this interlude between the 1st and 2nd games as he tries to free the imprisoned Jak who was captured at the end of the first game, but since he is both a screw-up and a 2 foot tall ottsel (combo of otter and weasel) he just meanders around for 2 years until he accidentally gets a job as an exterminator since the owner is in desperate need of one and will take anybody. Daxter will fight metallic insects for their golden core while maybe, occasionally finding out some new information about Jak's whereabouts.

The gameplay is a solid platformer as it comes out of a series of them, with a few added moves from Daxters exterminator gun that he can use not only to stun bugs, but also use to hover and set things on fire. There are also dream sequences that can teach Daxter new combat moves by doing the same minigame inside of various movie parodies. Though they are hardly necessary since I went the whole game without using any of the moves. The difficulty curve is barely even there. It is less of a curve and more of a brisk walk up a diagonal street. If players have a passing familiarity with the series or even platformers in general the game will be mostly a cakewalk. Not that it is bad, but almost generic.

What sets the series apart as a whole is the characters and in that the game fares better with good voice acting, smooth animation and while Daxter is somewhat obnoxious at least he has a personality. Everything is solid , but nothing really stands out. Fans of the series won't have any problems, but it is barely above average.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on UMD for PSP and downloadable on PSN.

3 could have just walked in the back door out of 5

Ys: The Ark of Napishtim (2006)

Genre: Action RPG | Players: 1 | Developer: Nihon Falcom Corporation

 Ys is a long running series and this installment picks up from a previous game. The main hero is Adol; a red haired, do-gooder pirate who was thrown from his ship in a storm and has now washed ashore on the Canaan Islands which are home to a mystical race of people called Rehda. Now he must figure out how to leave the island which is no easy feat as the storm that brought him here is actually a never-ending vortex surrounding the whole island that has a reputation for stranding lost travelers, so he must instead try to keep peace between the native Rehda villagers and the settlement of stranded humans.

Gameplay is a standard action-RPG variety. Adol can attack in real time with various upgrade-able swords and can boost his stats with new equipment. There are also a small selection of special moves and a magic spell that changes depending on what weapon is currently being used which must be charged by giving or receiving damage. The enemies are surprisingly varied and the action is quick and simple, but still satisfying. The art and music are top notch though the PSP version was downgraded to sprites from the PS2/PC version with full polygons that change based on Adol's equipment. The only thing really wrong is the loading times. They are far too long and far too frequent. The game loads after exiting EVERY. DAMN. ROOM and can take up to 20 seconds which is sometimes longer than the time that will even be spent in said room. It is massively annoying to load and enter an empty room for that long and then it takes 3 seconds to turn left and boom there is another loading screen. The game was good enough to force my way through it, but it was still problematic. One more nitpick is I had to turn down the SFX volume because the sound of Adol's footsteps were loud as fuck and sounded like he had hooves.

Buyer's Guide:
Available for PC, PS2 and PSP. Go for the PS2 version if you can for full polygons, voice acting and to avoid the chronic load times. The only thing the PSP version has going for it is a few added fetch quests and an unlockable media database.

3 Anti-hero assholes in all black out of 5

LittleBigPlanet (2009)

Genre: Puzzle, Platformer | Players: 1 | Developer: Cambridge Studio

The full PS3 nut is here. This is for the PSP version that is slightly different and developed mostly by a different studio. The main idea is basically the same as players control Sackboy in a cute little ethereal world made up of the unused ideas of humans or something from the opening animation with a wonderful narration by Stephen Fry. Sackboy can traverse the multiple levels with themes ranging from Australian outback and oriental China to ancient Persia and modern Hollywood with fun little physics based puzzles on multiple 3D planes. However, the PSP version necessitated some trimming so there is now only 2 planes to switch between rather than the original 3 and no multiplayer.

The physics are generally fun if a little wonky, but most troubling is when it affects jumping. Just a simple jump, which is about 90% of gameplay given that this is a platformer, is often unreliable and unresponsive. This can make or break the game whether it decides to be floaty cartoon magic or a frustrating slog as you continuously murder Sackboy on electric panels and fire pits because the jump decided you were a little off or worse made you switch planes unwillingly because reasons. This can taint the whole experience, but when it is working perfectly it is still quite a joy with very interesting puzzles with levers, jetpacks, sleds, etc. and a wonderful aesthetic and soundtrack.

The story is barely there both in length and as a motivation for Sackboy to traverse the levels with the only real incentive being the puzzles and the various costumes and stickers to collect. Too bad the small PSP screen makes it very hard to discern what the costume pieces look like, unless they are particularly over-the-top. I ended up with a dino costume and pretty much stuck with that the whole time. The stickers I actually never used outside of what the story required and there was no detriment, so take that for what it's worth. The multiplayer is gone, but the level designer and DLC is still there, but there was a limited selection so many years later and on a less than super popular console.

Overall, not as good as it's full PS3 version, but you might stay for the whimsy and soundtrack. What story that is there is actually different too if that matters to you.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on UMD and PSN.

2½ At least the shared energy bar won't ruin any friendships now out of 5

Snoopy vs. The Red Baron (2006)

Genre: Action, Flight Simulator | Players: 1-6 | Developer: Smart Bomb Interactive

I bought this on a whim because it was less than 5 dollars and I like Snoopy. Still a surprise that I had such a good time with it anyway. The Schulz estate is very picky with licensing out the Peanuts characters, but they apparently made the right choice by allowing this one.

Players play as Snoopy's alter ego of a World War 1 flying ace as he completes missions for the Royal Flying Corps with it's various officers played by the various Peanuts characters as he strafes bases, sinks ships and of course dogfights with various fighters. The controls are very simple and responsive and there are numerous side-weapons besides the standard machine gun that are all comical and silly since it is only cartoon violence like potato guns, water balloon launchers and firework missiles each with different advantages. There are also a few maneuvers that Snoopy can pull with his stunt meter for getting the advantage in dogfights. The objectives vary, but will mostly be variations of destroy a certain number of enemies or collect such and such item. The game is far on the easy side of the difficulty spectrum unless one is trying to get the highest rank for each mission and even then you might get it without trying unless you are younger than 10 years or have a severe disability, but it is overall quite enjoyable.

The graphics are crisp and clean and despite this being a rare 3D appearance for these characters, they are rendered very similarly to their comic counterparts. The PSP version has been downgraded a bit with certain animations missing like cartoony explosions and a few graphics here and there, but nothing noticeable unless one is looking for it. The biggest problem is with the audio which is often out of sync in cutscenes and the endless looping of the limited soundtrack. The menus and compatibility with the PSP could have used some smoothing over like how using the PSP's sleep function might cause the autosave to throw a hissy fit, but it never went anywhere terrible like erasing saves. There is also frequent loading even in places where it seemed unnecessary like how the game loads and autosaves when you leave the store even if you didn't buy anything, but these are mostly nitpicks. The one advantage the PSP has is the up to 6 players in ad-hoc multiplayer over the 4 on the PS2 and only AI opponents on the PC, though, given the game's age, good luck finding anyone to play with.
Overall, exceptional with rough edges made better if one is familiar with the characters.

Buyer's Guide:
Available used on PSP, PS2 and PC. Probably really cheap.

3½ Only a few sinful "fly through the rings" missions out of 5

Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep (2010)

Genre: Action RPG | Players: 1 - 6 | Developer: Square Enix

The Kingdom Hearts series has what many thought would be a ridiculous premise; A crossover mash-up of Disney characters and those of Final Fantasy. It is in some ways very ridiculous, but it works if the player just lets it play out. Birth By Sleep is the prequel entry in the series, taking place 10 years prior to the first game. It follows the 3 main protagonists in separate, but concurrent journeys going through different Disney worlds to battle the forces of darkness which manifests as varying monsters called the Unversed.

The combat is smooth action with a touch of RPG leveling that is very satisfying at times, but may be a little daunting for new players as there are a myriad of options and menus to navigate to make the combat effective. There is the command deck that must be stocked with commands akin to the card system of Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories (slightly streamlined), the action commands that are used outside of battle and the shotlock command which can only be used with the focus gauge. Players have up to 3 decks that can be modified to suit different situations. All these commands also themselves level up and can be melded together to form new commands and modified with crystals to give various equip-able abilities. There is also the Dimension Link which allows players to use the commands of various characters they encounter along their journey as well as the command board which is a minigame that lets players level up their commands in a monopoly-type board game. It's a lot to take in, but with practice the battles become even more exciting and engaging.

Cons are a somewhat easy difficulty even on the harder settings since it is very easy to spam all the options listed above until they recharge which works even on bosses. This entry hardly features any Final Fantasy characters and despite 3 different character stories to go through, is rather short. But a lot is packed into such a small portable package with some excellent animation and voice work (mostly) as I suppose it should be given Disney is an animation studio. The multiplayer is ad-hoc wireless only, but has both competitive and co-op modes and can support up to six players. A wonderful entry in the series that shows the series' progression and yet is still familiar.

Buyer's Guide:
Available for PSP on both UMD and PSN.

4 spoilers given away in the opening animation out of 5

Ghostbusters: The Video Game (2009)

Genre: Action / 3rd person shooter | Players: 1 - 4

Developers: PS3, Xbox 360, PC: Terminal Reality (single), Threewave Software (multi) / PS2, Wii, PSP: Red Fly Studio / DS: Zen Studios

Your childhood dreams have come true—you’re a Ghostbuster! You're so new that you don't even make it onto the cover of the box. Nevertheless, you fight alongside the main cast members, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson, all of whom return to voice their CGI counterparts. Annie Potts is back, too, but she doesn't leave the office. The writers tried their best to play to the strengths of the team dynamic and give each member something noteworthy to do, but it’s no surprise that Bill Murray gets most of the best lines.

Gameplay is split between both Third Person Shooter and First Person Shooter Scanner. You enter First Person to scan your surroundings with the PKE meter. When it peaks, you've found a nasty. Unfortunately, it’s during those times that the game is extra clunky. Your character slows to a crawl and the game world feels empty. Being in Third Person is much better because it’s then that you can shoot, trap ghosts, dodge slime and run for a short time.

As you progresses you’re given the chance to upgrade and harness new weaponry. Being the new kid means you're guinea pig for the new tech that magically appears during missions. It’s supposed to add a tactical element, but in reality you can take down almost everything with the proton stream once you've levelled it up enough. I say ‘almost’ because you'll still need to shift to one of the other weapon categories occasionally to seal portals and stop the flow of spirits.

It’s not as bad as most movie tie-in games, but it’s a little too rough around the edges to recommend and it’s very short. Some levels even feel tacked on in an attempt to give it extra length. Without the original cast it would definitely struggle to hold the attention of all but the most die-hard Ghostbusting fanatic.

Buyer’s Guide:
Available on PC, PS2, PS3, PSP, Wii, Xbox 360 and DS. I’ve not played the DS version but it’s not going to be the same, so consider it excluded from all I've said.

2½ crossed streams out of 5

SHIFT extended (2010)

Genre: Puzzle | Players: 1 | Developer: Zallag

This hidden gem is one of the ‘minis’ available from that desolate section of PSN that no one ever goes to because of Sony’s ridiculous pricing.

Playing the game is simple. Describing it will be less so. You play as a Test Subject in what is essentially a rat in a maze scenario. Mr Test Subject is a silhouette of a man in a black and white world. You’re either a black man on a white background, or a white man on a black background. When you’re black you can interact with the black obstacles that exist as part of the black environment. Conversely, when you’re white you can interact with white obstacles of the white environment.

You’re able to ‘SHIFT’ the word 180° on an axis, changing which of the two colours you can interact with. Imagine there’s a large box blocking your way that's much too high to jump. If you flip the environment, the ground becomes the ceiling and the box becomes a large hole that you can now skip over. You’ll need to initiate that ‘SHIFT’ in environment multiple times to progress to the exit in each stage. If you go to YouTube you’ll see it in action and it’ll absolutely make a hell of a lot more sense than I'm doing right now.

It gets progressively harder, adding spikes (ie. Death), floating platforms, gate triggers, etc, all of which force you to use your brain a little more each time.

There are 120 levels to test you. If you die at any point you get put back at the start of that same level, which can be frustrating,  but they’re so short that it’s not a major problem. It can be played on both PS3 and PSP.

Buyer's Guide:
PSN only.

4 racist jokes waiting to happen out of 5

Final Fantasy VI / III (1994)

Genre: RPG | Players: 1 | Developer: Squaresoft
Credit to Dr Faustus, fellow Nut author, for this wonderfully altered artwork.

I don’t believe it’s entirely possible for someone to be unbiased when talking about their favorite game. That’s sort of the consequence of playing it countless times over the course of 19 years.

In essence, this is an ensemble cast game done right. There are 14 main playable characters in addition to the handful who’ll join your party temporarily. As daunting as that may seem, from a narrative perspective, the story does rest on set pieces crucial to the lives of the most central personalities. Still, even the most peripheral have heartbreaking and poignant experiences. Hell, there’s even a very plausible storyline hinted at for one of the optional members!

This small army is put up against one of the most demented and successful villains in the history of fiction. To save the world, they will have to be ground a fair deal. Here, the name of the game is magic. Its resurrection in a time of high technology is the impetus for the conflict at hand and you would do well to teach most of the spells to at least 6 or 7 characters to compensate for the multiple party mechanic utilized throughout the game. There is hope for speedy completion in the form of the Vanish glitch. But, it has been patched in almost every subsequent port of the game. Boo.

The music is stirring and highly memorable and the graphics stand as some of the greatest sprite work ever produced. While there are MANY highlights, the brightest is still capable of bringing grown men to tears, to this day.

More than a SNES turn-based RPG, more than just a Final Fantasy, VI is a masterpiece that should be at least tried by all.

Buyer’s Guide: In the end, the original SNES and VC releases are the way to go. The PS1 port should be avoided at all costs because of the lag to opening the menu. That version on PSN? Exactly the same. It appears to be a straight disc rip. The GameBoy Advance overhaul has a completely retranslated script, additional Espers, and extra dungeons. I imagine this will be fine for anyone who won’t get mental hiccups from the changes. The SNES Mini has the Woolsey translation and I'd wager it's the ROM from the VC.

 

The Pixel Remasters look like ass trash. They are a smidge better than the abominations they cooked up for mobile phones. JEEBUS H. FISTO. Sprites forever!

5 Promises to Find One Another out of 5
A review of Peter Olafson's Players Guide can be found here.

Jikandia: The Timeless Land (2011)

Genre: Action RPG | Players: 1-2 | Developer: Idea Factory

A group of classmates are on a train when they are suddenly thrown into a portal that takes them to the land of Jikandia. A little blue cat thingy tells them he brought them there to stop Time from restarting in Jikandia which will apparently start a bunch of bad shit.The story is actually kind of blah, but the game is at least partly aware of it and is sometimes passive aggressive toward itself. Those moments are chuckle-worthy, but are few and far between. Annoyingly the story is delivered through the smallest test box I have ever seen. It comes half a sentence at a time and often during the action which means players will most likely miss it. There is some time distinguishing between the different characters, but it is sparse and not engaging. The only difference that matters is each classmate uses a different attack. Switching between them adds some strategy to the randomly generated levels.

The game seems to advertise those dungeons as a selling point as well as the "feature" that lets you decide how long you want to be in them; ranging from 3 to 30 minutes. This is a catch 22 as spending too little time will not gain players enough strength to defeat the progressively stronger enemies, but the randomly generated levels aren't interesting enough to warrant a longer time. Longer times will net you more loot and cash, but the cash is useless as the store in the one town is woefully inadequate with a seemingly also randomly generated selection that pales with what players gain fighting enemies and opening treasure chests. I finished the game with over 500,000 bucks and having bought nothing. Each floor only takes a few seconds to run through with varying bonus directives that range from killing all enemies to getting to the next floor in a certain time limit. Completing the directive gains players a star that gives bonuses when five are maintained. Failing to complete them takes a star away, but they are not necessary for advancement.

The RPG part of the game is the most interesting with various weapons with widely varying attack styles and stats to try as well as equippable crystals that enhance stats and give new abilities. Even that variety isn't enough to make the longer time an attractive option though. There is an ad hoc option to go dungeon crawling with a friend and the retro pixel art style is kind of cute, but the game is a barely average button masher that only the most OCD of players would want to keep playing for 100% completion.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on PSP and downloadable on PSN.

2 Dead Like Me name-drops out of 5

The Simpsons Game (2007)

Genre: Action / Platformer  |  Players: One / Co-op  |  Developer: Electronic Arts

The game is broken. If you’re a developer and you don’t have an in-game camera system that works then you don’t have a game that works.

You’re forced to control the dysfunctional family if you stick it out. Each level gives you two family members to switch between at will. You’ll need to do just that to solve the asinine puzzles that block advancement. However, there's little or no instruction in what you have to do during those times.

The tutorial covers abilities unique to your character, but it’s up to you to figure out everything else. In a perfect world that makes sense, but this is a game and nothing makes any sense. You figured out the pipe puzzle first time? Do tell...liar.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on Wii, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, PlayStation 2, Nintendo DS, and PSP.
I played the PS2 version, so there's a chance the other versions are better, but I don’t hold out much hope of that actually being the case.

1 yellow bastard out of 5

Corpse Party (2011)

Genre:  Survival Horror | Players: 1 | Developer: Team GrisGris, 5pb

Corpse Party is a horror title game with the most humble of beginnings. While most games, even niche titles, have a large development team and a hefty budget, Corpse Party was originally created using RPG Maker software. The title was such a success that it was given a high quality remake, and was later remade again for the PSP. While full voice acting, new music, and CGs have all been added into the game, it retains its simplistic, SNES level graphics.

At the start of Corpse Party, characters are transported into a strange, hellish school building from which their appears to be no escape. In every room there are new horrors, with scares ranging from the obvious (ghosts jumping out at you) to slightly more subtle (cabinets filled with hair). One of the biggest impacts are the various corpses that line the school. Every corpse can be examined for a name tag, and many contain a little note that lets you know what they went through before they died. While this is fairly creepy, it's also quite heartbreaking, especially when you come across the bodies of elementary schoolers.

There are no battles to be found in Corpse Party, and the only gameplay consists of exploration, solving puzzles, and running away. In spite of this, it's surprisingly challenging. There were a couple of scenes I had to play over and over again in order to successfully evade death. None of the puzzles are frustratingly hard, and as long as you save frequently and don't get too scared to explore certain rooms, you should be able to make it through without many problems.

Corpse Party's biggest strength and biggest failing is its story. I was gripped by the tale from start to finish, and while I saw some of its twists coming, others took me completely by surprise. Unfortunately, even the game's best ending isn't that satisfying. The story is continued in a sequel, Corpse Party: Book of Shadows, but the game has yet to be translated, meaning that English speaking gamers may be left frustrated.

Corpse Party offers an incredible amount of content for its price tag. There are a massive amount of endings and additional content that can be unlocked, and it's the sort of title I can see myself going back to again and again. If the sequel does get an English release, it's a game I'll be able to recommend wholeheartedly.

Buyer’s Guide:
If you'd like to play Corpse Party in English, your only option is to download the title via PSN.There is a PC version of the title, and I sincerely hope XSEED releases it on Steam in the future. This is a terrific title, and I'd love to see it attract an audience beyond PSP owners.

4 eyeballs turned to soup out of 5

Mega Man Powered Up (2006)

So beautiful in comparison to the original that I can hardly stand it.

Genre: Platformer | Players: 1 | Developer: Capcom

Mega Man Powered Up does exactly what any good remake should. It graphically updates the original game AND reimagines it. In the Old Style mode, the game is as difficult as it ever was, while tweaking the few small problems it had and fixing several instances of brokenness that were actually in your favor. In the New Style mode, the game is fleshed out with the addition of two new robot masters (bringing the total up to the standard 8), a collection system, a level editor, and the ability to play as the robot masters if you are able to beat them on Hard, buster only.

Time Man and Oil Man debut here to mostly great effect. Time Man is able to slow time (a fitting precursor to the ability to stop time completely later in the series) and Oil Man stylishly surfs on puddles of oil to cut through Mega Man and other enemies. Using the robot masters’ unique abilities and Mega Man’s unlockable slide and charge shot, you can collect item packs to use in the level editor. Even if you have no Little Big Planet-esque inclination to create levels and share them over PSN (as I didn't), collecting these packs still stands as an enjoyable MetroidVania challenge worth tackling.

Playing as the robot masters for the very most part is an absolute blast, as they have enhanced abilities in addition to the ones they bestow on Mega Man. The only irksome member of the team is Oil Man, as he can only fire one shot of oil at a time. If you consistently hit enemies, you can fire in rapid succession. If not, you have to jump on the drop and slide on it, or wait for it to disappear before you can attack again. I’m all for challenge, but this feels like complete neutering if you aren’t a crack shot. I’m not one to deduct in any major way for elements of a game that are purely bonus-like in nature, however, and Powered Up goes out of its way to take all the right steps, otherwise.

What’s that? There’s an elephant in the room? Look, if you honestly have a problem with the cutesy, chibi-fied personalities given to all the characters, so be it. Just know that you are missing out on a fantastic game over a trivial aversion.

Buyer’s Guide:
Unfortunately this is a PSP exclusive. However, as it is available packaged with its fellow, stellar remake Maverick Hunter X, Mega Man fans who enjoy both series should snap it up as Powered Up has a staggering amount of replayability and even more unlockables than mentioned here.

4½ Beatings With a Broom out of 5

Nutted by NEG

Silent Hill: Origins (2007)

Genre: Survival-Horror, Action | Players: 1 | Developer: Climax Studios 

Bringing a survival-horror franchise to a handheld is a very thin tight-wire to walk, and Silent Hill Origins does it with a fair amount of aplomb. Still, it does come relatively close to slipping off. Fortunately, its missteps only break the rules of handheld gaming convenience, and not the game itself. If all of the 4 main areas had lasted as long as the introductory trip through Alchemilla, this would have been a perfect on-the-go experience. However, I think this would have also been rather disappointing. The designers must have realized this themselves, as the rest are around two to four times as long.

As strange as it may sound, I really think it works in the game’s favor that it doesn’t feel like it was designed for the small screen. I’d rather suffer infrequent opportunities to save than a game filled with areas explored only on a surface level. Much of the depth here is thanks to a new mechanic that allows players to switch between misty and nightmare sides on command, through the use of mirrors. This is much akin to A Link to the Past and the Constantine licensed game.

Besides this mechanic, the only true gameplay differences between Origins and the original ‘trilogy’ of games are that Travis is a competent bare-knuckle brawler and his weapons, though very numerous, break rather quickly. There are so many littered around the environments, in fact, that this never feels like a hinderance. Even if you break all that you have available (and use up all your ammo), Travis is still perfectly capable of dusting enemies with his own two fists.

Thankfully, for those who find the series’ 10-star system overwhelming, Travis’s achievements are broken into discrete accolades that can be completed over as many playthroughs as necessary. These all unlock weapons and costumes (some with their own tangible benefits!).

On the story-front, Origins—appropriately, given the nature of the number 0—plays like both an Even and an Odd entry. Travis’s interactions with Alessa demonstrate the events leading up to the original game, and yet there is a VERY strong emphasis on Travis himself.

Even if it brings into question the appropriateness of this game being on a handheld, I still believe that a little annoyance in terms of when you can save is a small price to pay to take this splendid trip.

Buyer’s Guide:
Originally available only on PSP, Origins eventually found its way onto the PS2. While the graphics are crisper and have more care put into them on the PSP, it is still cheaper and far more practical to track down a copy of the port if you don’t own the nefarious handheld. From my experience, it’s better to hunt for this game online these days, in either form.

Oh Neg, you bittersweet summer child. You had no idea what the world (and corporate entities) would do. When you're done laughing at me, reader, click here.

4 Unwarranted Cases of Blue-Balls out of 5

Nutted by NEG

Maverick Hunter X (2006)

Genre: Platformer | Players: 1 | Developer: Capcom

Usually when 8 and 16 bit games are remade using 3D character models, I rage. Sprites are infinitely glorious and the remade games usually feel cheap and hollow to me. This is not the case with Maverick Hunter X and I’m in awe of how much vibrancy and depth of field is achieved through the character models and the beautifully animated backgrounds.

Technically, it is only ‘based on’ Mega Man X, but it’s the game you remember. By some means of sorcery they have improved an SNES game. It not only rearranges power-up placements, but actively fucks with your memories. These shenanigans would be blasphemous in an RPG, but in a Mega Man game? It’s nirvana. Don’t get comfortable, because you won’t be able to play this completely on auto-pilot, your first time.

In terms of new features, the two most important deliver in spades. The Difficult Mode will be what you’ll want to play the game on, from here on out. Not worlds harder, but a great challenge, if you don’t get armored up as your first course of business. Even so, enemy AI is augmented with new moves that are sometimes difficult to dodge even if you know they’re coming. There’s also the addition of stellar voice acting. X’s banter with the Mavericks is brilliantly jingoistic and the characterizations of each robot master are appropriate and amusing. There’s even a 20+ minute movie for players who actually like the plot of the X series.

The only other special feature to speak of is the addition of Vile as a playable character. He is far weaker than X in terms of constitution and firepower (at least initially). While I appreciate Proto Man for his physical weakness, he's also stronger than Mega Man, to balance that out. Vile's arsenal is a bit awkard to utilize, as well. Ergo, while I appreciate challenge, he ultimately fails to be a fun challenge. I’m sure others might find him to be a worthwhile inclusion, though!

Despite how well done this package is, at the end of the day it’s just Mega Man X with a handful of (great) upgrades. You’ll only get as much play out of this as you’ve gotten out of the original. If you played it once, and you don’t own a PSP, pass. If you’ve played it countless times and you have a PSP, what are you waiting for?

Buyer’s Guide:
Available exclusively for the PSP, unfortunately. At the time of this writing, GameStop is selling their PSP holdings Buy 2 Get 1 Free. Also, it’s available as part of a Dual Pack with Mega Man Powered Up. I purchased said pack for $15, New. This is BY FAR the version you want, as MHX is worth that on its own (given the above stated criteria).

4 McCain Supporters out of 5

Nutted by NEG.

flOw (2006)

Genre: Relaxing | Players: 1 - 4 | Developer: thatgamecompany

In flOw you play as a wormlike thing, some kind of early multi-celled organism(?) and have to guide he/she/it through a series of top down levels as he (I'm calling it a he) grows and transforms into a larger wormlike thing. Thatgamecompany sure do make it tough to review their games.

Each level is a layer in an aquatic environment. Picture a dozen layers of glass vertically atop each other, each time you move up or down a layer you’re moving to a new pane of glass. There are no menus or instructions to tell you what to do, so you’re left to simply swim around and try to figure it out through trial and error. After a while you’ll realise what is required of you to progress, but I won’t spoil that process by detailing it here.

Controlling your worm (*chuckle) is an art in itself. You tilt the controller in the direction you want him to go, but it’s not merely left and right, you’re on a pseudo 2D plane, so in order to turn him back on himself you have to tilt in 3D. Yup, that makes about as much sense as I thought it would when I was writing it. It needs to be played to be understood, and while it’s initially confusing it soon becomes an extension of your hand; you’ll soon be zipping your little worm in and out of tight spots, avoiding danger like a pro.

flOw’s appeal is limited, as is the gameplay element; in fact, it’s not really a game in the traditional sense, it’s more like an extended and interactive artwork/tech-demo, but if you've enjoyed the subsequent 'non-game' releases from the same developer (flower and Journey) then it’s an interesting insight into their origins and the thought process of the designer Jenova Chan, as well as being a relaxing and occasionally engaging experience. When the “are games art?” argument is raised among gamers, flOw will feature heavily.

The PS3 version has multiplayer for up to four players.

Buyer's Guide:
Available for PS3 and PSP but can only be bought from the online store. There's also an earlier flash version, but I can't imagine how that would work without the tilt mechanism.

3 growth spurts out of 5

Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones (2005)

Genre: Platformer, Action | Players: 1 | Developer: Ubisoft

The closing chapter in the Sands of Time series is a return to form after the glitchy, emo disaster that was Warrior Within. It is a nice hybrid of the 2 previous games with the less moody atmosphere of Sands of Time and the improved combat and platforming tweaks of Warrior Within. Returning to the role of the Prince is Yuri Lowenthal which is most welcome as his snarky, slightly naive Prince is a much more likeable character as he returns home from his adventures to find his kingdom under siege.

The dual blade combat is back from WW almost unchanged, but it is improved in that enemies are much better at fighting so now trying different combos yields results instead of just memorizing what combos work and using them ad nauseam (though you can still do that some) and the targeting is much more inclined to listen to the player this time around. The biggest change to the combat are the speed kills which are a series of quick-time events that the player can activate if they can sneak up on enemies that if performed correctly give a quick and silent death to the enemy. It's a nice reward if you play stealthily or if you perform well at the platforming, but if you don't like it it's not necessary for the majority of the game.

There is also the addition of the Dark Prince which is a split personality that gives the Prince new abilities at the cost of constantly draining life. Taking sand in this form is essential as it refills the life meter as well as the sand tanks. This form also grants the use of the daggertail weapon which is a chain-like whip that the player can use for new combos. Water returns the Prince to normal and the timed nature of the transformations adds one more gameplay addition to the formula without hampering the rest. The Dark Prince is quite the smartass too. There are a few chariot race sections that aren't bad, but seem really out of place in this game.

Improved platforming and combat, new gameplay additions and a better art direction make this one a great end to the saga. A few bugs and a lackluster soundtrack hamper it a bit, but it's not nearly as bad as Warrior Within.

Buyer's Guide:
Can be had for cheap on several platforms. There is also a PSP and Wii port under the name Rival Swords and an HD remastered version for PSN.

4 Spring-loaded window shutters in ancient Persia? out of 5

Prince of Persia: Warrior Within (2004)

Genre: Platformer, Action | Players: 1 | Developer: Ubisoft

The 2nd game in the Sands of Time trilogy eschews the lighthearted aesthetic of the first game in favor of grimy, dark subject matter. It reeks of some marketing douche forcing in titties and blood because he thinks it will sell better. Really blatant too given the 2 bitches skintastic outfits which is confusing since it is made to appeal to preteen boys while upping the rating to Mature .

Along with the new art direction is improved combat, but improved does not mean good. There are more attack options, but only about 3 are needed as the same moves always work against certain enemies while others never work. The targeting is also made worse from the 1st game as it must be forced to attack the enemy you want. Left to its own devices, it is not uncommon for it to pick the furthest enemy from you instead of the one on his back in front of you awaiting the finishing blow. Mercifully not all battles must be fought and you need only do so when you need more sand or it is needed for progression. There is weapon degradation too where one long combo can destroy your secondary weapon, but as every enemy has a new one it is just a minor annoyance. A bigger annoyance is the ninja bitches that hop around endlessly while repeating the same overtly sado-masochistic one-liners at the Prince. Fuck those cunts. Also the Ravages of Time ability wasn't nearly as stylish as the Mega Freeze from the 1st game.

The platforming sections are as great as they should be, thank Cthulu, with a few new additions that don't break the flow and some nice environments in which to perform the Prince parkour. The wall runs, jumps, swings and now riding tapestries are as fun as ever hampered only slightly by some minor bugs. More than once I found myself stuck in a falling animation while on the ground, music that started up late and stretches where audio cut out entirely which wasn't too bad as the music sucks anyway. Add in some backtracking that can be confusing and a worthless map and it's a wonder the game is as playable as it is.

Buyer's Guide:
Can be found on the cheap for numerous platforms including an HD remastered version on PSN and a PSP port with new content.

2 The platforming saved it from a one out of 5

Silent Hill: Shattered Memories (2009)

Genre: Survival-Horror / Adventure | Players: 1 | Developer: Climax Studios

When I heard wind of the first Silent Hill being remade, I was predictably rather excited, as I had always wanted updated graphics and for the tank controls to be taken out behind the meat processing facility and put out of their misery. When I first played what it actually turned out to be—a reenvisioning—I was vehemently opposed to writing my own neuroses and psychoses over a character who shines as one of the whitest knights in all of gaming: the stalwart and stoic Harry Mason.

I chose to stick it out and was highly rewarded for my bravery. Though it may seem mysterious and magical from the outside, the algorithms used to determine the endings you receive and the contents of your psychological write-up are rather simple, and can yield a good variety of results. There are two parts to the ending you will receive and these are determined by things as concrete as your participation in Dr. K’s exercises and as ephemeral as what you choose to cast your gaze and flashlight upon.

Speaking of which, the Wii version of this game stands head and shoulders above the Sony ports in large part because you are able to control your flashlight with the Wiimote. The level of immersion provided by this, as well as holding it up to your ear when listening to voicemails and calls, is rather staggering and I cannot recommend it enough. As strange as it is, this is probably the definitive Wii experience, for me. Plus, the PS2 version takes door opening animations as a chance to load FAR more than the Wii original. Yes, they were all developed at the same time, but it is clear that the Wii hardware is what the game was designed around.

The change from blood and rust to ice may seem controversial as well, but this provides an entirely new atmosphere of dread, especially in the chase scenarios that do an amazing job of conjuring terror as you flail helplessly around confusing and labyrinthine stretches of the town.

The game quietly and unnervingly presents a reality-of-Oz interpretation of Harry’s experience and actually fleshes him out while making him even more worthy of being a Silent Hill protagonist (as strange as that concept may seem the first time you let it flicker across your brain). Controversial, unsettling, and chilling, Shattered Memories forces you to explore your own memories and decisions as much as Harry’s.

Buyer's Guide:
Originally released for the Wii in 2009 and the PS2 and PSP in early 2010. I would assume that the PSP port has the same loading issues as its big brother. The things the world and corporate entities do... Please click here.

5 Sexy Boat Rides out of 5

Nutted by NEG

Lumines Plus (2007)

Genre: Strategy / Puzzle | Players: 1 - 2 | Developer: Q Entertainment

Lumines was praised as being one of the best titles available for Sony’s stillborn handheld, the PSP. I found the PS2 version recently for £1 / $1.58 in the pre-owned section, so I grabbed it. It’s another Tetris style falling blocks game. The blocks are always 2x2 and are always of two different colours. You have to match up the colours, making a similar 2x2 square so they’ll disappear. Simple. Except, they don’t disappear instantly, they hang around for a time like meth junkies in the park. In theory that means you can add to the disappearing blocks with the next available falling block, increasing the size and score. In practice it means despite clearing part of your screen it’s still feckin there, so it screws up where you can set your next block. It’s a hateful idea. Someone needs killed for it.

The game was designed by Tetsuya Mizuguchi, creator of REZ (2001) and uses a similar kind of music integration. The music isn't just background, it becomes a part of the gameplay. The tempo changes depending on how hectic or relaxed the action gets. That’s fine and dandy, but the music– oh God! The music is abominable. I wanted to stick something in my ears so I wouldn't hear it, anything would have been better, cotton, a kitten, a pencil, a dildo, broken glass. In the end I had to mute the game just to play BECAUSE YOU CAN’T TURN THE DAMN MUSIC OFF OR DOWN!

It’s fixed in a pre-set order that loops indefinitely so you hear the same tune every time you start a new game, over and over and over. You have to reach a certain score to unlock new tunes. Whoever composed it, next time you shave try standing an inch closer to the blade. Please and thanks.

I'm in the minority here (that's okay, the air is cleaner away from the stench of fitting in, plus when we play minority strip poker I always win) because I have almost nothing but scorn for Lumines. It’s my second falling blocks game in a month, the other was Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo (1996). Play it instead, not this festering turd.

Buyers Guide:
Don't, but if you hate yourself that much it's available on PSP, Mobile phone, PC, PS2, Xbox Live Arcade, PSN, iOS, PS Vita.

0 give me a shotgun and some cotton out of 5