Final Fantasy VIII (1999)

Genre: RPG | Players: 1 | Developer: Squaresoft

VIII went out of its way to create a very unique and strange system, but it ironically ended up producing a very one-dimensional experience, even compared to bog-standard RPG systems. Basically, you equip stocks of spells as armor and stat-boosts. Of course, this drops your inclination to use magic to absolute 0. Well, close enough. You’ll usually end up collecting two full batches of the various Cure spells, so you can actually use them, as intended, but that’s it. Outside of that, when you cast magic, you’re decreasing your stats! Why would you ever want to do that?

There are two ways to get magic, but all that changes between those methods is HOW you’re going to be significantly waylaid. You can ‘Draw’ magic from enemies, resulting in a duplication of leveling. You’ll be leveling yourself and grinding for spells whenever you come across an enemy with something new. Ideally, you don’t want to level, because enemies’ levels increase right alongside yours. But, you need AP to teach your summons new abilities, especially if you’re using the second method. Ergo, you ARE going to level to a normal degree, unless you specifically modify EVERY non-boss enemy into its playing card, from the game’s preeminent mini-game, Triple Triad. That only increases the time necessary to complete the game a MILLION fold. You ARE going to level. It is…inevitable...

The second method involves modifying Triple Triad cards and item drops into collections of spells. Again, that only means that you’re going to spend aeons playing cards, or getting drops, instead of Drawing spells. There is no escaping the eternity of VIII, unless you’re a speedrunner, but their fate is still mostly the same.

VIII commits a fundamental sin. I consider a fundamental sin to be an act that goes against something so BASIC to the structure or purpose of something, that it should have never had to be spoken of, in the first place. The joy of grinding in jrpgs is based on the very simple concept of reinforcement. The more you level, the stronger you become, and USUALLY the more money you acquire. The stronger you are, the faster battles end. This creates a very nice curve, and cycle, of reinforcement.

VIII says, ‘NO.’ An early boss battle sums the problem up, perfectly:

'Oh, no! HELP ME!'

'Yo, I got you, girl...just wait for about 30 minutes while I Draw these 3 new spells from this thing and its minions. Don’t worry, I’ll get around to defeating them, eventually.'

You get stuck in singular battles for extended periods of time, Drawing spells. The joy of getting into and ending battles swiftly is largely denied. It doesn’t help that the battle animations feel like they’re in slow-motion, and there’s a healthy delay to getting into battles AND starting card games. Again, there is no escape.

What inevitably happens (if you don’t quit immediately) is that you put up with this and equip the spells and summons as best you can, in three sets, that you can switch between characters. This is largely a farce, though, since you’re just going to attack Squall until he’s in critical HP, and then have him spam his Renzokuken Limit Break endlessly, since it hits a large amount of times.

If only there was a game that allowed you to hit multiple times, without having to be on the verge of death. Oh yeah, Final Fantasy I… It’s utterly incomprehensible that VIII chose to make class-specific skills into Limits. Why isn’t the Blue Mage casting Blue Magic? Why isn’t the Monk doing his special attacks, at will? Why isn’t the gunman using special ammo? Why is the Beastmaster not using her beast? The ways to prevent players from spamming these skills are MP pools, fighting game inputs, and ammo supplies. They had all of this down pat two games prior! But, here, they all have to be nearly dead to use their special skills. What? Why?!?!

I’ll address Triple Triad, here, because I want to end with some discourse on the story and characters. When I think of VIII, I'm always struck by how I remember the events of it, but virtually nothing of the characters. They are character sketches, at best. Ideas jotted on a napkin, by a writer, that were never brought to life, never developed. It's exactly the same in Uchu Sentai Kyuranger. At the end of the series, because there have been no personal interactions between them, no bonding, no hanging out, the Senshi are STILL just character sketches. 50 hours, or 50 episodes, and there's nothing to show for any of these characters beyond: "This is the brooding lead." "This is the sickeningly cute girl." "This is the chef.” Many members of the party in Xenogears only have their introductory story event to their names. This is honestly much more than most of the party in VIII can claim. They’re almost like Transformers: they’re definitely personalities, but not really characters.

Part of the issue is that Squall is given carte blanche to turn them off like light-switches. Quistis TRIES to be a character, but Squall flatly says, ‘NO. Not on my watch.’ No one should ever be given this manner of power.

When it comes to the story…I still don’t entirely understand it. I’ve definitely heard some theories about it, but none of them have helped me. The resolution to this amorphous issue is honestly awe-inspiring, in the worst possible way. You are going to be presented with the most bald reasoning I have ever witnessed. It’s like an animatronic that has been stripped of not only its skin, but also all of the plastic shielding holding its wire guts to shape.

You can’t do that. You have to come up with some explanation, guys. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it has to EXIST. I’m talking Care Bears, here, guys. Care Bears. Oh, and technically the game's biggest surprises are spoiled by the computer you can access at the very beginning of the game. But, who reads things? Oh wait, people who play RPGs... 😡

There was a time when I actually strolled into a forum and claimed that this was my favorite game. Do you know why? Because it helped me waste time. It gave me something to do, while I was coming to grips with something I had lost. First came VIII, then came XII. I needed time and distractions. If that’s all you need, have at it. It’s great for wasting your time, but little else.

A dumpster fire, from stem to stern. I don’t understand how things like this and Kyuranger make it out of development, in such a state.

 

I'll stick with Dirge, tyvm~

Buying Guide: Originally a PSX release. Also, PC. It's been remastered, so it's on PS4, Switch, and Xbox One. I've seen some screenshots. They definitely half-assed it. I'm honestly not surprised. Wait, didn't they lose the source code, or something? Some things are lost for a reason, mir?

0 Dreamy Cowboys For Selphie To Bang, Even If She Wrote This Fanfiction out of 5

Mega Man 4 (1992)

Yes, Pharaoh Man, purge those demonic faces with flame.

Genre: Platformer | Players: 1 | Developer: Capcom

Let’s wrap this endeavor up. I briefly discussed 4 in my review of 5, but I want to tackle the Anniversary Collection in a Mega Man Collection post. The main reason I’ve forwent this for so long, besides wanting to talk about 5 quite a bit more, is because 4 is very much the workhorse entry. It’s not the greatest; it’s FAR from the worst. I’ve never complained about doing a run, outside of having to deal with the newly borked Rush Jet, of course.

As I’ve said elsewhere, it’s a deathtrap, now. I cannot fathom why they would ever go from the perfect execution of it (in Rush’s first appearance, no less!) to this pile of horseshit. If a sub-pixel of your toe touches him, he’s off, WITHOUT YOU. Progress. We’re supposed to progress, people. Move forward, not back. This is a regression.

I’ll be honest, I take Toad Man out first, which immediately nets me Rush Marine. And yet, I have NEVER thought to use it in Dive Man’s stage. Not once. I only now saw it mentioned as a possibility on the wiki. Ergo, for me, there is only one tiny section where it’s ever been able to be used. That has never bothered me. It made it feel special. It made me feel glad that they decided to keep it, in spite of its VERY VERY limited time to shine. I’m a 3 fanboy, through and through. It can’t jump out of the water and be used for platforming, anymore, but that was quirky icing, not functionality I ever expected.

Beyond Rush, there are two new, hidden movement tools to find. Balloon is basically Item 1 from MM2. Wire is a grappling claw that allows you to travel vertically and jump slightly sideways on the dismount. Its usefulness is somewhat constrained, unless you’re like me and want to grind for E-Tanks in Drill Man’s stage.

I mean the following in a literal sense, not a tonal sense: The visuals are a bit darker than elsewhere in the series. Everything’s a bit drab. It doesn’t take too much away from the experience, but it is worth noting. I suppose the beginning of Ring Man’s stage is an outlier, but the majority of it falls very much in line with this assessment. That said, it is a serious boon for Pharaoh Man and Dust Man. The former is top-tier, from his design, to his theme, to the night-time tomb raiding expedition that is his stage. I respect him way too damn much to use his weakness against him. The first time, anyway. The rematches are immediately followed by the initial battle with Wily. I have to be pragmatic about it. Dust Man…the unspoken story of his stage is magnificent and haunting.

Ultimately a damn fine game, across the board.

Buyer’s Guide: Buyer’s Guide: NES game. Mega Man Anniversary and Legacy Collections (PS2, PS4, Xbox, Xbox One, GC, 3DS, Switch). Virtual Console. PSN. Cell phones. The usual.

3 Fat Guys Hula-Hooping In the Rain out of 5

Mega Man 6 (1994)

It took them until their last NES at-bat, but they finally hit a grand slam. I fucking love this boxart.

Genre: Platformer | Players: 1 | Developer: Capcom

When I first started replaying this entry as an adult, I found it kind of soulless. That’s a bit crazy to me, at this point. The more I played it, the more I enjoyed it. It’s really fun! It isn’t as easy as 5, but it’s the closest game in the franchise to it, in that regard.

It’s cool to know that some of the Masters were designed by people other than Capcom’s usual creative staff. Contest winners from Canada (Daniel Vallée) and…North America (Michael Leader; thanks Mega Man Wiki, for that wonderfully detailed bit of information…) were responsible for Knight Man and Wind Man. I rather like the former, but not for reasons one might expect. You see, he doesn’t care about always giving you easy chances to cross the room, like most Masters. No, he’s perfectly fine with occasionally jumping you straight into a corner. I rather like assholes like him and Charge Man (who’ll change directions on a whim and pimp walk all over your corpse with no fucks given). Wind Man…is one of the easiest Masters ever. Oh well~

If nothing else, those two are the ones that appear on the NA cover. That's top-shelf, Nintendo. Class. Yes, Nintendo, because they were the ones that published it, here, not Capcom.

In spite of the split theming of the overall crew, there is a bit of a generic feel to everything on display, but it’s far from my original assessment of the game’s merit. All of the Masters are taking part in a tournament run by Wily (SPOILERS, OH NO!!!), but four of them are much more warrior-like than the others. Those being Knight Man, Centaur Man, Tomahawk Man, and Yamato Man. It’s best that they didn’t call the last one Spear or Yari Man, because you would have ended up wielding the Spear Spear~

These four Masters can all be reached via two different paths. The fights with them are the same, but traversing the less accessible ones will cause them to give you the Beat parts. Yeah, Beat returns, but isn’t nearly as useful, as far as I can tell. In 5, he was fairly indispensable. Here…is anything weak to him? I always just use Tomahawks whenever it seems as if he would be worth calling.

I absolutely cannot complain about that, however, given how well the Rush Adaptors are utilized. You have to use Power and Jet Mega Man CONSTANTLY, especially in the Dr. X and Wily Castles. Yeah, the same animations of Rush transforming play every time you select them, but you can skip ‘em by mashing buttons. The only real drawback to using them is that you cannot slide. Power Mega Man still has a basic projectile in spite of him mainly relying on regular and charged punches. Not being able to charge your Buster isn’t really something you need to do while flying as Jet Mega Man. No, it flat out isn’t necessary, at all, to my knowledge. I’ve never felt that need. These two went on to be combined into the Super Adapter in 7.

The other four Masters are mostly elemental in nature. Flame Man stands out, as you may personally find him culturally insensitive. I’m honestly much more upset that the power he grants you is a re-colored flame effect from Gemini Man’s stage. Seriously? Plant Man is the oddball, but I rather like him. I even like his somewhat irritating backyard. The latter half of his stage is a pit-filled obstacle course predicated on springs that respond to the strength with which you press the jump button. This can be trouble if your controller of choice is as knackered as my current PS2 one is. It’s a little maddening, but it’s an appropriate challenge to overcome in order to earn the Jet Adaptor.

In short, 6 is a bit of a mixed bag, but even what’s not top-tier is still comfortably enjoyable.

I dig it, man.

Buyer’s Guide: Buyer’s Guide: NES game. Mega Man Anniversary and Legacy Collections (PS2, PS4, Xbox, Xbox One, GC, 3DS, Switch). Virtual Console. PSN. Cell phones. The usual.

3 Easily Missable Proto Man Appearances out of 5

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (1997)

Genre: Platforming, Metroidvania, RPG | Players: 1 | Developer: Konami Computer Entertainment Tokyo

Symphony of the Night is the quintessential example of a game that largely changed, and then subsequently dictated, the gameplay of its franchise, going forward. While most games of the era were focused on delivering early, pioneering 3D experiences, Castlevania instead dedicated itself to perfecting a sex-tight 2D platforming juggernaut. To my knowledge, this was the birth of the hybrid sub-genre, Metroidvania. Which, is famous for draping the former’s power-up driven exploration in the quaint trappings of everyone’s favorite (non-sparkly) vampire lord.

This incarnation of the castle mostly exists as one large, interconnected experience. The various wings and caverns are united by loading zones perfectly masquerading as short hallways the length of Mega Man boss-corridors. Yes, you will be backtracking through areas multiple times, but you’ll always have new toys and abilities to dispatch the endlessly respawning minions of the night. Many of the weapons have special attacks that can be discovered through simple trial and error. The same is true for the button combinations necessary to elicit the spells already lying dormant in your arsenal. Though, there are scrolls available to teach you the lengthier ones, on your first playthrough. They are exquisitely fitting, given the protagonist’s lineage. SOTN was actually Alucard’s second appearance in the series, debuting as he did in Castlevania III. Thankfully, his movement is infinitely smoother and finessed, here, aided by several, once again, entirely apropos transformations.

All of this is topped off by what is objectively the largest easter egg a game could deliver without wearing out its welcome. At this point in my life, I could admit that it can indeed sometimes test my patience. But, I’ve thought about it, and I feel like that would be roasting a sacred cow, just for the sake of it. Simon’s Quest always leaves me wanting more, upon finishing a run, but SOTN is like Thanksgiving dinner: you’re going to feel bloated, but by next year, you’re going to be itching to do it all over again.

I suppose the elephant in the room is the spoken dialogue. Some have blasphemously described it as hokey! It’s found throughout, but especially at the outset. I find it entirely iconic, and I absolutely refuse to play any of the versions that have done away with it. It’s one of the absolute best parts of the experience, and I promise you that if you like the genre, setting, and themes at play, you will love SOTN. You will.

Buyer’s Guide: Originally on the Playstation 1. The Saturn port allows you to play as, and fight, Maria. It also provides a handful of gameplay extras and two additional areas to explore. It’s known as Dracula X: Nocturne in the Moonlight. The standard version is available as an unlockable extra in The Dracula X Chronicles on PSP. The version on Xbox live is said to remove much of the lag natively present in the game. However, it does away with the best video game song ever. I’ve got the PSN version installed on both my PS3 and PSP, and I’ve never noticed anything different from my PSX original. I.e., I absolutely recommend that release.

I have to imagine that the later ports are the ones that changed the voice acting. Look elsewhere for information on those. I will not be party to such treachery.


5 Miserable Little Piles of Secrets out of 5

Back to the Future: The Game (2010)

Genre: Graphic adventure  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Telltale Games

If you're not already familiar with Telltale's brand of graphic adventure, I'll attempt to explain in one paragraph: TT are storytellers. The story is the main event. Because of that, calling it a game is being descriptively generous. The visuals are stuck in the PS2 era. The animations are clunky. The interface is as simplistic as they come, with the player required to interact with people or objects and walk from place to place to find them. Conversations have multiple possible responses, but quite often it doesn't matter which one you choose or in which order because the response will be the same. You don't buy a TT title just for gameplay - you buy it for story because TT know how to deliver in that dept.

It begins on May 14th 1986. Hill Valley. The events in the films are the past. Doc Brown is missing. Marty is with Biff and George, and he's worried. Things seem bad, but they're about to get a lot worse and it'll be your job as Marty to fix them.

The time-hopping shenanigans that follow reference the entire film trilogy but take cues mostly from the structure of Part II (1989). If you know and love the films then you'll spot a HUGE amount of additional detail. The people at TT must really be fans of the franchise. They captured the enduring spirit of the series perfectly.

Not all voices are provided by the original actors, but they sound like they are; the effort made to match them exactly really paid off, with the discernible nuances of each actor's dialogue being present and largely correct. Ironically, some of the original cast sound less like their 1986-selves than the replacements do!

The adventure is split into five episodes, each individually priced, but if you buy the Complete Pack digitally or the retail edition (on an actual disc) then you'll have them all. Play them in the correct order to properly finish the tale.

It gets more and more self-referential each time. Ep III is very talky but also funny, clever and with a high level of satire. The puzzle solving is fun but can quickly slip into being frustrating. Deductive reasoning alone isn't always enough to get you though, so be prepared for much trial and error and seeing multiple times animations that can't be skipped. Nevertheless, it's worth the inconvenience.

3 scientific predilections out of 5

Costume Quest 2 (2014)

Genre: Action / RPG  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Double Fine Productions

The '2' in the title is a clue. Yes, it's a sequel. But didn't costumed twins Wren and Reynold already save Hallowe'en in the original Costume Quest (2010)? Maybe they did, but they need to save it again, this time in the past, because there's some rudimentary timey-wimey shenanigans afoot. Grab your sack and suit up, kids.

CQ 2 doesn't reinvent the gaming wheel, but it makes good use of the one it already had. As before you're completing quests for both XP and candy, but a number of little things have been improved.

You now have access to the speedy-boots regardless of which costume you're wearing, so you'll not have to switch as often for simple level traversing.

However, you will be required to switch during the exploration phase in order to operate or initiate certain things within the colourful world. If you find an inaccessible part of a level, it likely means you don't have the correct costume yet, so find or earn its component parts before returning.

A small number of the new costumes are secret, meaning you won't just find them during the course of a standard play through; you'll have to go off the obvious path a few times in order to discover them.

The turn based combat has also received some minor but welcome tweaks and additions, although it does still feel repetitive after a while. Also, if you just scrape through a fight and are far from a save point, you can scoff a small portion of your candy haul and recover some health that way.

In closing, if you're too lazy, too old, unwilling or unable to role-play within the watered-down farce of a meaningful annual pagan festival that is modern Hallowe'en night, then you can do it from the comfort of your own home in your socks, and you won't get sick from all the sugar and razor blades, either.

3 candy violations out of 5

Assassin's Creed: Freedom Cry (2014)

Genre: Action / Adventure | Players: 1 | Developer: Ubisoft

Our introduction to Freedom Cry’s protagonist Adéwalé was in Ass Creed IV: Black Flag (2013) when he served as quartermaster aboard Captain Kenway's pirate ship, the Jackdaw. FC is set fifteen years after that time, with the former quartermaster now a fully-fledged assassin and Captain of his own vessel.

Things go bad and Adéwalé gets washed ashore after a shipwreck. The place he lands is Saint-Domingue, a French colony on the Caribbean island of Hispaniola. In Saint-Domingue black workers are kept as slaves by cruel white masters. Adéwalé empathises with the working men and women, having once been held in similar chains, so he chooses to stay and liberate them using his assassin skills.

Originally a DL-only addition to Black Flag it was subsequently released as a standalone title minus the IV prefix in the title. That means if you own the Ass Creed IV disc you can choose the original partial download. It’s the full FC game but makes use of your existing AC IV install files. If you don’t have the disc you can download a larger file enabling you to play the full FC game in its standalone guise. At full price, when compared to the amount of gameplay that IV gives you, FC is piss-poor value. It doesn't get close to my definition of value for money.

The biggest addition to gameplay is the ability to free slaves from plantations. In fact, it’s your currency while on land. It sounds odd, but (once unlocked) guns and ammunition are free as reward for selfless services rendered. The better items can only be purchased once you've freed enough people.

There’s an important social message at its core that's deserving of wider attention, but everything about the expansion feels rushed, from the story to the poorly thought-out progressions and limited number of upgrades. Whereas IV had more in it than it first appeared, FC has less than it first appears. The majority of the locations are nothing more than a tiny beach area with two or three visible treasure chests. You’ll visit them once, with no need to ever return. Worse still, the sea shanties are absent, meaning sea journeys feel longer and are mirthless.

The few larger areas that make up the bulk of the game are well-designed and would've fit nicely into IV. It's a shame there isn't more to do within them and that the missions on them are so broken. Of the nine memories (missions) available, I had to restart six because of glitches. One in particular had to be restarted four times because the same glitch made it impossible to complete. That's the kind of thing I'd expect in a beta, not a final product. Well, except a Ubisoft product.

2½ changing tides out of 5

Burnout CRASH! (2011)

Genre: Wreck Your Shit  |  Players: One  |  Developer: Criterion Games

CRASH! is a digital-only title available from PSN, XBL and the Apple store. It has none of the arcade racing elements traditionally associated with the Burnout series. Instead, it takes the Crash Mode, simplifies the visuals and gives it a top down perspective similar to early GTA games. Unlike GTA, however, the active playing area is very small. There’s a brief run-up to the crash zone, but 99.9% of the time you’ll be in a small, self-contained area with one or two intersections and some destructible buildings. Yes, they’re destructible, and in some levels you’re encouraged to do so if you want to hit the high scoring multipliers.

The main objective is to cause as much damage as possible in the allotted time, damage which is then converted into a cash value. Fulfil enough criteria for each level, which includes hitting set targets of cash, and you can move onto the next intersection to do the same thing all over again but with increased difficulty.

Meet specific targets and you can unlock new vehicles. More than just a cosmetic change, they add a further strategic element by having different ratios of Power (damage) to After-touch (ability to control direction of your own vehicle during the post-crash chaos). Some intersections can be beaten with any vehicle, but not all objectives are so easily obtainable - some will require a specific set of wheels.

Special events can be triggered that do massive amounts of damage to the environment, but you'll have to earn them first. They're usually worth the effort.

It’s an enjoyable waste of time that players can drop in and of quickly, but will likely only have lasting appeal to high score junkies who love to cause chaos on busy digital roads. I'm not one for setting and subsequently working my ass off to beat a personal best, so once I'd beaten it I was done with it. For £2.00 (in a PSN sale) it was worth it, though I'd not like to have paid much more than that.

2½ Spandau Ballets out of 5

Penny Arcade Adventures: On The Rainslick Precipice Of Darkness: Episode 2 (2008)

Genre: RPG | Players: 1 | Developer: Hothead Games

Part 2 begins hilariously similar to the 1st as the PA protagonists, Gabe and Tycho, accidentally wreck the new abode of the player character that had just been rebuilt. The player character is pretty chill about it this time around and is recruited to continue the search for the creator of the ongoing miniature robot menace as well as the giant robot responsible for his house's first destruction which has still evaded sweet vengeance. The same aesthetics and atmosphere are intact with slightly less an air of mystery and a bit more horror, though still mostly rooted in the original comic's sense of humor.

Nothing much has changed, only minor details like Tycho switching out a machine gun for a shotgun and the player character using a hoe as a weapon rather than his original rake. There are new enemies and new special attacks, but it all works the same way with an active time battle system that can be enhanced with good blocking by pressing the spacebar with correct timing. The battles are, like the first game, all substantial as they all have the potential to be dangerous unlike other RPGs. Learning correct blocking and the enemies' weaknesses is key to advancing. The learning curve might be a little steeper this time around as the latter half of the game pretty much requires learning the ins and outs of the battle system. In the first episode, a player could probably squeak by to the final boss having not mastered most of the battle system, but this time around the enemies can wreck you in seconds later on without some semblance of gained skill.

While it is more of the same, that doesn't always have to be a bad thing. The new enemies and continued absurdist steampunk narrative were still engaging. The same problem still applies in that only existing fans of Penny Arcade will get the most out of it or just a connoisseur of RPGs looking for something a little different. Casual players will get little out of the distinct humor if not even a little turned off by it. I think having some experience with it made me enjoy this one perhaps a little bit more.

Buyer's Guide:
Available for digital download on PC, Mac, XBLA and PSN.

4 cock fighting robot monkeys out of 5

Chrono Trigger (1995)

Genre: RPG  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Squaresoft

Chrono Trigger is arguably one of, if not the most, refined and polished RPGs ever released by Square Ltd. in the 16-bit era.  A game so perfect for its time that it gave the impression Final Fantasy VI was made years before, while in reality only a mere eleven months stand between both releases.

The game puts you in the shoes of Chrono, a young boy from the town of Truce, in the quiet kingdom of Gardia.  On the first day of the millennial fair that commemorates the thousand years of the kingdom he will encounter Marle and start a journey across time to save both the past and the future, making new friends on the way, among which are a frog-knight, a robot from a post-apocalyptic future, and others...

The technical aspect of the game is really great: the graphics make use of all the abilities of the SNES, giving us the abilities to explore a vast and colourful world, and the chara-designs by Toriyama Akira, full of mirth and winks to his career, are very well-rendered on screen.

The music (always one major cool point for Square's SNES games) is very impressive.  Yasunori Mitsuda and Nobuo Uematsu outdid themselves, as it may well be the best SNES soundtrack by Square's team.

Gameplay-wise, the game is excellent; putting you at the head of a team of three that you can select more or less freely, the difficulty is well-balanced, the combat system is an evolved version of the Active Time Battle system that allows for a bit more strategy in using zone attacks and offers the possibility of making collective attacks.  The gameplay also uses the time-travel aspect of the game, requiring you to sometimes perform an action in the past to unblock something in the future.

Finally, the story is exceptionally well-written, full of humour, and explores quite nicely the various aspects and implications of time travel, both good and bad, in a very intelligent and coherent manner.  It's also, at times, pretty emotional and will make you feel involved in the story and the characters' destiny, which is the mark of great RPGs.

If you have to have only ONE RPG on SNES, get this one.

If you liked it you might enjoy: Final Fantasy VI, Lufia II, Dragon Quest VI.

5 luminaire followed by Dark Matter out of 5.

Nutted by Docrate1.

Ratchet: Gladiator (2005 / 2013 in HD)

Genre: Platformer  |  Players: 1 or 2 co-op  |  Developer: Insomniac Games (original PS2 edition) / Idol Minds (PS3 port)

Prior to Gladiator (aka Ratchet: Deadlocked (NA) / Ratchet and Clank 4 (JP)), all of the HD updates I’d played had been successful, but it’s impossible to outrun the law of averages forever. It had to happen eventually. I got a shitty one.

If you received the game free because of the QForce/Full Frontal Assault (2012) delay then you can offset the cheapness somewhat, but if you bought it as a standalone entry then there’s every reason to expect a product that’s worth the price paid, particularly when Idol Minds did such a sterling job on the previous collection. Unfortunately, the reality of the situation is that the lack of care and respect that went into the conversion makes me hesitant to trust them in future.

FMV scenes are repeatedly jerky and there are times when the foreground textures go inexplicably transparent, enabling the backgrounds to be visible through them. Is the jerkiness a PAL thing? Is the NTSC version the same? I don't know. All I know is that interactions between characters during those times are an important part of the R+C experience, and they've been treated badly.

Mercifully, once you gain control of Ratchet the game works. There’s still slowdown during heated moments, but it's easy to adjust to. The only notable exception is when the game pauses you in mid-swing over a bottomless death-gap so that it can load the platform on which you're planning to land.

The arena challenges that were a small part of the previous games are the sole aspect of Gladiator. It’s not always confined to a small area, but it is essentially a series of bouts/ battles that get increasingly more challenging and frustratingly hectic as you progress. I acknowledge that a large number of people will feel the direct opposite, but I need more than just shooting/ advancing toward endless waves; the balance that was achieved in previous games was sorely missed.

Gun-fans may feel equally short-changed when it comes to the limited array of weapons available. They can level up to insane proportions but there's a lesser number to play around with than long-time players will be used to.

In a series known for OTT weaponry and ballsy humour, being underwhelming hurts more than it would otherwise; it means that it failed to do its job as well as it should have, and will hold the interest of only the most ardent or forgiving fan.

2½ ratings wars out of 5

The Ratchet & Clank Trilogy: Classics HD (2012)

Genre: Platformer  |  Players: 1 / Up to 8 Online (R+C 3 only)  |  Developer: Insomniac Games (original PS2 editions) / Idol Minds (PS3 port) / Mass Media Inc. (PSV port)

Replaying the first three R+C games was even more fun than I'd expected it to be, and my hopes were pretty high to begin with.  The revisit brought to light something that can be viewed primarily in one of two ways: it either shows how little the series changed over a short number of years (2002-04), or it highlights how spot-on the devs at Insomniac got the formula on their first try.  I sit firmly in the latter camp while acknowledging the former from afar.

I'm not implying that the first game is perfect.  It clearly isn't.  It’s the only one of the three without a strafe manoeuvre, making it a lot harder than it could've been otherwise.  There’s a workaround but it’s not ideal.  On the plus side, Clank’s first words are of the series-defining innuendo variety.

The second game, known as R+C: Locked and Loaded (EU); R+C: Going Commando (US); or simply as R+C 2 (JP), remedied the lack of strafe and nailed the voices that we've come to know and instantly recognise.  The platforming and guns were better, and there are more forgiving checkpoints throughout.
For my money the only stains on an otherwise perfect gaming experience are the frustrating glider sections that require a lot of patience and more than a little trial and error, and the awful Clank on the Moon missions.  In fact, in all three games the Clank parts are more of a necessary chore than an enjoyable break.  They were included to offer gamers variety, but if they could be removed it would make R+C 2 a strong contender for the best 3D platformer on a Sony machine.

R+C 3 (EU + JP), known as R+C: Up Your Arsenal in the US, tweaked the formula a little more, but with R+C 2 being so good there wasn't a lot they could do besides add more inventive weapons and not cock-up anything that already worked perfectly.  To that end, they cranked the innuendo lever even harder.

The replay value of each game is more than generous.  If it takes X amount of time to finish, it’ll take at least 2X to mop up the bonus stuff.  You've access to even more destructive weapons on your second playthrough, known as Challenge Mode.  During C Mode you keep the majority of your inventory and every bolt you've earned.  Being fully armed from the start means it’s easier to progress, but the enemies are more dangerous so it’s not completely effortless.

The port from PS2 to PS3 by Idol Minds doesn't harm the games in any way.  They even kept the multi-player aspect of R+C 3 intact, making it fully playable over PSN.  I didn't care to try it, but it's a notable addition, nonetheless.

It's one of Sony's 'Cross Buy' titles, but I can't comment on the PSV versions.  I'm not one of the half-dozen people in the UK that actually own a PSV.

4 socioeconomic disparities out of 5

Mega Man (1987)

Genre: Platformer | Players: 1 | Developer: Capcom

What are we looking at up there? Bloody hell. Look to the Japanese box art if you want something accurate. Look somewhere else entirely if you want a cushy, enjoyable time with this series. That’s harsh, but it’s true. That isn’t to say that this isn’t worth playing. For a sense of history and perspective, I think anyone who has enjoyed a classic Mega Man game should give this a shot. It’s weird saying this seven nuts in, but this is a platforming series with a heavy emphasis on ranged combat, characterized by a multitude of projectile types derived from the powers of a set of enemy bosses. You can tackle their stages and steal these rock/paper/scissors-esque powers in any order you choose before heading to the final levels comprising Dr. Wily’s fortress.

Dr. Wily is a serial villain with a fetish for Guts Man (one of the bosses debuting here) and eyebrow wiggling. There’s no story beyond a modicum of rudimentary exposition, in the manual. Good. Mega Man isn’t War and Peace.

Why is this so ball-bustingly difficult? Well, movement is stiff and it randomly seems like there’s ice physics in play EVERYWHERE, not just Ice Man’s stage. There are no E-tanks. When you fight a boss, you’ve got one life bar and that’s assuming you show up with full health to begin with. There’s a swift, movement puzzle of a beast that most people can only take down using a glitch. Oh, and you have to re-fight the bosses. That’s not strange, though. That’s both a general Capcom and a Mega Man specific tradition. No, the rub is you have to fight four of them in a row with no health items immediately before the two-part battle with Wily.

Hey, guess what? Their projectiles don’t disappear and you can die because of this AFTER THEY’RE DEAD.

You can’t fudge this game with E-tanks and be awarded a victory and gooey feelings that’ll encourage you to get better, more elegant, over time. In this game, and the first sequel, you have to get better NOW. You stay in the trenches and do it OVER and OVER and OVER until you throw your controller just to pick it back up again, like a machine.

Play it. You don’t need to beat it, you don’t even have to enjoy it. Knowing the pain is something I think is beneficial, though. History and perspective.

Buyer’s Guide: NES game. Mega Man Anniversary and Legacy Collections (PS2, PS4, Xbox, Xbox One, GC, 3DS, Switch). Virtual Console. PSN. Cell phones. The usual.

2 Victories of My Own Choosing out of 5

Shadow of the Colossus (2005 / 2011 in HD)

Genre: Action / Adventure  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Team Ico

Team Ico’s follow-up to ICO (2001) is a very different kind of game. Nevertheless, there’s the feeling that they both exist within the same fictional universe, making SotC a spiritual sequel.* It’s the story of a boy and his horse. There’s also the matter of a dead girlfriend. Wander (the boy) will do whatever's required to bring her back from beyond the veil, even kill at the behest of a mysterious voice.

Combat is essentially a series of boss battles. The Colossi are the kind of thing you’d face at the end of a Legend of Zelda dungeon. Many are so large that they need to be climbed so that you can attack their vulnerable spot, but just finding the Colossi can be a challenge in itself because the game world is vast.

Your only companions are your horse Agro and your conscience. As you traverse deserts and plains you’ll see man-made structures reclaimed by nature, signs of a once-great civilisation. The loneliness gives you time to reflect on your deeds but will likely bore anyone seeking a quick fix. Seriously, there's almost nothing to do outside of the core objective. Some side-missions would've been nice, but I can understand why they weren't included. The ambitious, uncompromising vision of the game designers is clear to see but will be the very thing that alienates people the most. If possible, trying before buying is definitely recommended.

Most of the story doesn't happen until the last quarter. Until then you’re the principal part of a mystery, required to repeatedly take a life in the hope that aggressive single-mindedness will result in your wish being granted.

The colossi will defend themselves like any animal would and should, but that doesn't change the fact that you‘re the trespasser. You’re the greater evil. The sadness and silent cries of ‘Why?’ on the faces of the victims cuts deep.

Like ICO did, it forces you to ask questions as you play. Why does the game try so very hard to instil a sense of guilt in the player? Are Wander's actions selfless or the product of a beleaguered conscience? How exactly did the girl die? We can take nothing for granted. We can only hope that the end justifies the means. In essence, it's like acting out a Greek myth.

New players will likely have trouble with the horse. Keep in mind that he isn't a car, so don’t try to control him as such. Spur him on, use the reins to direct him and leave him to it. He can be an idiot at times, but mostly you won’t need to negotiate every turn or corner because he’s quite capable of doing that himself.

4½ surmountable bods out of 5

*There’s evidence within SotC to suggest that it may actually be the second part of a trilogy being told in reverse. If so, that would make it a prequel to ICO. The theory will remain just that unless the third game, The Last Guardian, sheds new light. I don’t expect it’ll confirm either way, but I live in hope.

Note: SotC was re-released in 2011 as one half of The ICO and Shadow of the Colossus Collection HD. For more info on ICO, stab right about HERE.

ICO (2001 / 2011 in HD)

Genre: Adventure / Puzzle / 3D Platformer  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Team Ico

ICO is an adventure game unlike any that the PS2 had seen before. You play as the titular character (pronounced Eee-co), a young lad with horns on his head. His adventure begins in a large room inside a larger castle. You'll have a fair idea why he’s there, but won’t know why he was chosen. Was it because of the horns or some other reason? We also don’t know why there’s a second individual, a caged female, perhaps a little older than Ico, who doesn't speak the same language as the boy. If they’re to escape before whatever it is they've been offered up to comes for them they must somehow overcome barriers and work together.

Unable to communicate verbally the pair exchange meaning via gestures, inflections and discernible emotions. If you want her to follow you the best way is to grab her hand and lead her. United by circumstance you become guide and protector. The bond that develops between them is all important, and mostly it’s up to you to create and sustain it. Is it a love story? Perhaps. It’s certainly a story of chivalry and mutual respect. If you fail to take an interest in that aspect of it then you may as well quit playing before you've even begun.

There’s no tutorial, no HUD and no objectives other than escape. To do that you’ll be required to solve puzzles and overcome challenges, including avoiding the clutches of the creepy shadow people that rise from the ground, determined to drag the girl into their shadowy existence.

As you progress though the castle you’ll catch glimpses of areas you've been and areas you've yet to reach. You know walls are basically just textures arranged at right angles, but it feels solid. The higher you go the more the defiant wind howls, carrying with it the call of the raging sea and the occasional bird. The prevalent atmosphere is one of wonder coupled with unknowable dangers.

The camera is a point of contention for some people. It’s fixed like a movie camera, but you can pivot and zoom at any time, even during cut scenes, and it’ll swing or pan as you run by to encompass the enormity of the environment. If you had complete freedom to move it wherever you liked then the puzzling aspect would be less effective and it would be arguably less dramatic visually.

Combat is simplistic. You hit things with a stick. You might be lucky and have something other than a stick, but the available actions never change. It doesn't matter. Like everything else in the game, it gives you only what you need. Even Michiru Ōshima's beautifully evocative music is minimal. The ambient sounds of the castle are the soundtrack the majority of the time.

I've maybe made it sound less than perfect in some ways but only because I don’t want to give a false allusion. It’s a game that doesn't rely on gimmicks. It uses emotion as a narrative device, wherein a small person can make a big difference, and for which an understanding of friendship is a key requirement.

5 flights to freedom (and stairs) out of 5

Note: ICO was re-released in 2011 as one half of The ICO and Shadow of the Colossus Collection HD. For more info on SotC, click HERE.

Mega Man 5 (1992)

Gravity Man, you must succeed where Pharaoh Man failed...with lightning, apparently...

Genre: Platformer | Players: 1 | Developer: Capcom

Since I haven’t covered the fourth entry in the classic series*, I’ll briefly list the things introduced there that carry over to this game:

***You can charge your regular shots for larger and more powerful blasts.

***Eddie, a small flip-top robot will show up in certain places to give you a random item.

***Rush Jet now starts moving forward uncontrollably the moment even a sub-pixel of your foot hits it and will get you killed most of the time because of it.

I’ll also list the “features” that are new to it:

***You’ll be collecting letters (and a number) in each level to spell ‘Mega Man 5,’ which will unlock your new bird companion, Beat. He relentlessly circles enemies and WRECKS most of the bosses in Proto Man’s castle.

***Yes, Proto Man is the fake villain this time. Ooooooh SPOILER -_-

***You must now allow the Rush Coil to jump off the ground with you before jumping off it at its apex. It’s really weird, yes, but once you know how it works it’s worlds less dangerous than Rush Jet.

Outside of some kick-ass music (Wave Man’s theme is one of the best pieces on the NES), that’s most of what’s worth noting. Why bother writing this, then? Simple, I want to convey that to me Mega Man 5 is a rare kind of nostalgic that teleports me back to my days in front of the NES, on the floor, after school. This is even more astounding considering I maybe rented it once, ever, if at all.

Other than Rush’s tragic downfall, it’s sublimely playable and if critics want to say that’s because it’s overly easy (extra men DO drop like flies), they aren’t going to offend me. But, they also aren’t going to change my mind, either. I’ll likely be too busy completely unplugging to care.

*I have, now. Check it out, here.

Buyer’s Guide: It’s an NES game, but get the Mega Man Anniversary Collection (PS2, PS4, Xbox, Xbox One, Game Cube, Switch). If you’re feeling contrarian or want it on the go you can find it on mobile phones, the Wii VC, and PSN.

3½ Train Men Cometh out of 5

Assassin's Creed: Liberation HD (2014)

Genre: Action / Adventure  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Ubisoft

Ass Creed got its first playable female protagonist in AC: Lib. The creation of Aveline de Grandpré, an assassin of African and French heritage, may well have been to address criticisms from gamers up to that point, but to Ubisoft's credit both aspects play a key role in the game. It's not just a cheap cosmetic change.

It uses the AC III game engine but does interesting things with it. Aveline can change her clothes to best suit the task at hand. Hold back the cries of Women + Video Game + Clothes = Sexism for a second because there's a good reason for her frequent visits to the clothing store. The 'guise' she wears gives her a persona that makes it easier to infiltrate certain areas and affords to her a level of camouflage; e.g. few people will look twice at a slave carrying a box into the servant's entrance of a rich Lord's house. But once in the house the box can be dropped and the hidden blades revealed.

The same applies to the opposite end of the societal spectrum. When dressed as a lady of leisure Aveline can gather information from people in power during their rich-folks garden party, etc. It enables the player to get right into the heart of the action instead of having to constantly hide some place and eavesdrop like a creep.

It takes place in America during the second half of the 18th Century. The astute among you will notice that that's the same era that AC III is set. Indeed, while Ratonhnhaké:ton was fighting Templar control in the colonies, Aveline was doing her part in New Orleans amid the transition from French to Spanish control of the city. However, while AC III was from the perspective of Desmond and his useless cohorts, AC: Lib is a virtual environment provided by Abstergo Industries, so the legitimacy of events is questionable - the assassin might not be perceived as the good guy (or gal) all the time. Is it enemy propaganda?

Some good: being on the HDD means it loads quickly. Aveline is a better thief than anyone that preceded her. Play the trading game properly and money will roll in easily. It's much easier to avoid detection from enemies; it's arguably too easy. Chain-kills are fun. Another returning feature from previous games is the glitches. I had to reboot the game four times, which was the second-lowest ever (hey, it's a kind of improvement). And best of all, there's no Desmond!

Some bad: you can’t skip FMV if you restart a Memory. The emptiness of many handheld games is carried over. The autosave sometimes doesn't work. It feels short in comparison to the others in the series. It tempts you with the idea that missions can be approached differently depending on which guise you adopt, but that rarely happens; it more often than not restricts you to one specific persona, even going so far as to automatically change it at mission start, meaning the game has a lot less freedom and certainly less replay value than it could've had.

3 unwashed scabs out of 5

Ōkami (2006) / Ōkami HD (2012)

Genre: Action / Adventure | Players: 1 | Developer: Clover Studio (PS2) / HexaDrive (PS3 Conversion) / Ready at Dawn (Wii Conversion)

Ōkami is a strong contender for the finest Legend of Zelda game that Nintendo never made. I don’t use the comparison lightly. LoZ is one of my most treasured game franchises, so for anything to come even remotely close to it is an accolade in itself. It’ll draw comparisons with Twilight Princess mostly, principally because of the use of a wolf as protagonist, but TP didn't hit the shelves until over half a year afterwards; that they both involve a wolf is an unlucky coincidence.

Visually it's exquisite. As Ammy runs, flowers shoot up and blossom in her wake, similar to the Forest Spirit's passing in Studio Ghibli's Princess Mononoke (1997). (In the NA version of the game Ammy was genderless. A wolf god is okay but a female god isn't, eh?) The painterly quality is inspired by traditional Japanese watercolours and Ukiyo-e wood carving art. The beguiling nature of that style is even more magnificent when backlit. No words can do it justice.

When combat is initiated a wall springs up surrounding you and your quarry. Far from being limiting, it’s useful in that it keeps flying enemies enclosed. You can escape if you want (never!), but combat, while being frantic and highly enjoyable, isn't particularly difficult. If you exploit enemy weaknesses effectively you’ll rarely die. You attack with what’s known as Celestial Brush techniques. You can attack repeatedly, as often as you like with as many techniques as you've learned, until your Ink Pot runs dry. If that happens you’re weakened until it replenishes.

The HD release renders everything in 1080p. It makes the lines sharper and the colours more vibrant. It also added Move support (chuckle) and trophies (yawn).

The one thing that I found annoying about the game is the slow-moving text, particularly during the introduction when all you want to do is get on with the action. I adore a game with a lot of story but I dislike that I couldn't hurry its pace to my preferred reading speed. On second viewing you can often do just that but not skip it entirely; that could've been easily remedied in the update but wasn't.

The music is as alluring as the visuals. It’s inspired by traditional Japanese instrumentation and captures perfectly the majesty and beauty of nature. It got a release on CD. There were five discs; that’s how much of it there is.

5 leaps before thinking out of 5

Daxter (2006)

Genre: Platformer | Players: 1-2 | Developer: Ready at Dawn

This PSP entry in the Jak and Daxter series stars the titular sidekick in this interlude between the 1st and 2nd games as he tries to free the imprisoned Jak who was captured at the end of the first game, but since he is both a screw-up and a 2 foot tall ottsel (combo of otter and weasel) he just meanders around for 2 years until he accidentally gets a job as an exterminator since the owner is in desperate need of one and will take anybody. Daxter will fight metallic insects for their golden core while maybe, occasionally finding out some new information about Jak's whereabouts.

The gameplay is a solid platformer as it comes out of a series of them, with a few added moves from Daxters exterminator gun that he can use not only to stun bugs, but also use to hover and set things on fire. There are also dream sequences that can teach Daxter new combat moves by doing the same minigame inside of various movie parodies. Though they are hardly necessary since I went the whole game without using any of the moves. The difficulty curve is barely even there. It is less of a curve and more of a brisk walk up a diagonal street. If players have a passing familiarity with the series or even platformers in general the game will be mostly a cakewalk. Not that it is bad, but almost generic.

What sets the series apart as a whole is the characters and in that the game fares better with good voice acting, smooth animation and while Daxter is somewhat obnoxious at least he has a personality. Everything is solid , but nothing really stands out. Fans of the series won't have any problems, but it is barely above average.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on UMD for PSP and downloadable on PSN.

3 could have just walked in the back door out of 5

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater HD (2012)

Genre: Sport  |  Players: 1 - 4  |  Developer: Robomodo

It’s sad when the most you can hope for from a beloved game franchise is that the next entry isn't as weak as the previous one you played. The joy that’s associated with a purchase is replaced by fragile hope or, in the case of THPS, an expectation of disappointment. Having played the game I'm left with the paradoxical feeling that lingers when you expect disappointment and you get disappointment.

It begins in the Warehouse, the first level in the first ever THPS game. It was and still is the perfect place to start for new players and it presented an equally perfect opportunity for developer Robomodo to introduce seasoned pros to any tweaks made to the game’s control style. But right from the off it’s clear that more time was spent making the levels look a little prettier than was spent on bringing a very old control method up to date. I read some place that they had full access to Neversoft’s code, but you’d never know it.

It’s an amalgamation of the first and second games only, so the moves available to the player are limited, but that’s no excuse for the arbitrary way something will work one minute and fail the next. Take Venice, for example; you don’t need to be near the spray cans to pick them up, but jump directly through the middle of the secret DVD and it’ll not even register. Collecting S-K-A-T-E is a game of chance based more on luck than skill. Doing what’s required to perform a specific trick will either do what's expected or do something completely different. And those green fences are the work of Satan; they're so broken.

Subsequent DLC added the ability to revert and offered up three levels from THPS 3 (Canada, Airport, Los Angeles), but my love for THPS 3 keeps me from buying it.

There’s no two player split screen (why the hell not?), but there are online modes (not on PC) for up to four players, including Graffiti, Hawkman, Trick Attack and a new mode called Big Head Elimination.

I sincerely hope that if there's ever another home console Hawk game it manages to capture what made the pre-T.H.U.G games so appealing, so that I can once more give the series the praise it used to deserve.

2 face-plants out of 5