Nut Load. Mini reviews of games old and new. No fuss. No spoilers. Occasional shock face.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Lumines Plus (2007)

Genre: Strategy / Puzzle | Players: 1 - 2 | Developer: Q Entertainment

Lumines was praised as being one of the best titles available for Sony’s stillborn handheld, the PSP. I found the PS2 version recently for £1 / $1.58 in the pre-owned section, so I grabbed it. It’s another Tetris style falling blocks game. The blocks are always 2x2 and are always of two different colours. You have to match up the colours, making a similar 2x2 square so they’ll disappear. Simple. Except, they don’t disappear instantly, they hang around for a time like meth junkies in the park. In theory that means you can add to the disappearing blocks with the next available falling block, increasing the size and score. In practice it means despite clearing part of your screen it’s still feckin there, so it screws up where you can set your next block. It’s a hateful idea. Someone needs killed for it.

The game was designed by Tetsuya Mizuguchi, creator of REZ (2001) and uses a similar kind of music integration. The music isn't just background, it becomes a part of the gameplay. The tempo changes depending on how hectic or relaxed the action gets. That’s fine and dandy, but the music– oh God! The music is abominable. I wanted to stick something in my ears so I wouldn't hear it, anything would have been better, cotton, a kitten, a pencil, a dildo, broken glass. In the end I had to mute the game just to play BECAUSE YOU CAN’T TURN THE DAMN MUSIC OFF OR DOWN!

It’s fixed in a pre-set order that loops indefinitely so you hear the same tune every time you start a new game, over and over and over. You have to reach a certain score to unlock new tunes. Whoever composed it, next time you shave try standing an inch closer to the blade. Please and thanks.

I'm in the minority here (that's okay, the air is cleaner away from the stench of fitting in, plus when we play minority strip poker I always win) because I have almost nothing but scorn for Lumines. It’s my second falling blocks game in a month, the other was Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo (1996). Play it instead, not this festering turd.

Buyers Guide:
Don't, but if you hate yourself that much it's available on PSP, Mobile phone, PC, PS2, Xbox Live Arcade, PSN, iOS, PS Vita.

0 give me a shotgun and some cotton out of 5


Impudent Urinal said...

If I recall the music changes based on your performance.
What that says about you, I don't know...
As someone who doesn't mind the occasional techno and saw the lingering blocks as a strategy opportunity, I quite enjoyed it as a quite addictive little puzzler.
Just being functional should warrant more than a zero. Methinks you had a tough week and took it out on an unsuspecting game.
3 The moving line does hate players though out of 5

Dr Faustus said...

The music tempo changes but it's always in the same order, at least in challenge mode it is.
"What that says about you, I don't know..." :laugh: I managed to unlock just 4 skins before tearing it out of the disc tray, if that's any indication? :erm:
I get what you're saying, though. You can view the gameplay as hateful or as a challenge to be overcome. I was firmly in the "hatefull" camp.
I liked Rez. Hated this. It evens out.
I'll give it a 1 out of 5 for having a game box that I replaced my Persona 4 broken box with. :)
The game... I genuinely hated everything about it.