Mega Man (1987)

Genre: Platformer | Players: 1 | Developer: Capcom

What are we looking at up there? Bloody hell. Look to the Japanese box art if you want something accurate. Look somewhere else entirely if you want a cushy, enjoyable time with this series. That’s harsh, but it’s true. That isn’t to say that this isn’t worth playing. For a sense of history and perspective, I think anyone who has enjoyed a classic Mega Man game should give this a shot. It’s weird saying this seven nuts in, but this is a platforming series with a heavy emphasis on ranged combat, characterized by a multitude of projectile types derived from the powers of a set of enemy bosses. You can tackle their stages and steal these rock/paper/scissors-esque powers in any order you choose before heading to the final levels comprising Dr. Wily’s fortress.

Dr. Wily is a serial villain with a fetish for Guts Man (one of the bosses debuting here) and eyebrow wiggling. There’s no story beyond a modicum of rudimentary exposition, in the manual. Good. Mega Man isn’t War and Peace.

Why is this so ball-bustingly difficult? Well, movement is stiff and it randomly seems like there’s ice physics in play EVERYWHERE, not just Ice Man’s stage. There are no E-tanks. When you fight a boss, you’ve got one life bar and that’s assuming you show up with full health to begin with. There’s a swift, movement puzzle of a beast that most people can only take down using a glitch. Oh, and you have to re-fight the bosses. That’s not strange, though. That’s both a general Capcom and a Mega Man specific tradition. No, the rub is you have to fight four of them in a row with no health items immediately before the two-part battle with Wily.

Hey, guess what? Their projectiles don’t disappear and you can die because of this AFTER THEY’RE DEAD.

You can’t fudge this game with E-tanks and be awarded a victory and gooey feelings that’ll encourage you to get better, more elegant, over time. In this game, and the first sequel, you have to get better NOW. You stay in the trenches and do it OVER and OVER and OVER until you throw your controller just to pick it back up again, like a machine.

Play it. You don’t need to beat it, you don’t even have to enjoy it. Knowing the pain is something I think is beneficial, though. History and perspective.

Buyer’s Guide: NES game. Mega Man Anniversary and Legacy Collections (PS2, PS4, Xbox, Xbox One, GC, 3DS, Switch). Virtual Console. PSN. Cell phones. The usual.

2 Victories of My Own Choosing out of 5

Front Mission 4 (2004)

Genre: Turn-based Strategy | Players: 1 | Developer: Square Enix Product Development Division 6

An assault is undertaken on a series of German military bases by an unknown and powerful wanzer force that all but cripples the German military's capabilities. As quickly as they appeared, they disappear into the night. The collective European allied nations known as the European Community (E.C.) send in the Durandal, a team of pilots and researchers specializing in wanzer combat including new recruit and protagonist Elsa Elaine, to help with the investigation and uncover who is behind the attack. Meanwhile, a half a world away, Venezuela declares independence from the United Continental States (U.C.S.) and is now embroiled in a conflict between UCS troops and the state army forces. 2nd protagonist UCS sergeant Darril Traubel and his 3-man wanzer squad are slacking off on their rear guard duties as usual when a state army plane is shot down and they are the first to the crash. The plane's only cargo is a crate filled with gold; the funds embezzled by the corrupt Venezuelan governor from the people. Darril and the squad, unhappy with their career trajectories decide to steal the gold, go AWOL and make plans to abscond with the cash out of the country which proves much more difficult than expected.

Gameplay takes place on some rather large battlefields with possibly daunting tactical depth. There are many stats to be aware of for both the pilots and the wanzers and also how they interact with each other. There are prebuilt wanzer models for players who don't get off on all that number crunching, but deep customization is the only way to get the most out of your units. There are AP points that dictate how many actions a pilot can take in a turn, EP that can be spent to learn skills and boost stats and Link points that can be assigned to friendly pilots so they can act in tandem providing they have enough AP and are in range.

Weapons are in 1 of 3 categories of Melee, Ranged and Long Range. Melee weapons only hit once and can only be used adjacent to an enemy, but only cost 1 AP. Ranged weapons cost more AP to use and are limited by ammo and accuracy, but hit multiple wanzer parts. Long Range weapons have huge attack range and power, but cost large amouns of AP to use, have very limited ammo, and are extremely heavy so only large, slow wanzers can carry them. There are also 3 different types of armor; Impact, Piercing and Fire. Only 1 type can be used at a time (at first), but if it is the counter to the enemies' weapon then damage will be cut by a third. There are also support abilities with new backpacks that can be used to carry items, inflict status ailments, extend missile range and call in air support. Using all of these factors in tandem along with optimizing wanzer parts will let players tear through the opposition. The only problem with it besides its daunting depth is it isn't entirely necessary until later in the plot because of enemy A.I. that is pretty unchallenging. Enemies don't often work together, leaving damaged easy kills to attack another pilot that they have a fixation on and also not using Links effectively, often being linked with a unit on the other side of the map. Although once enemies figure that out later, it is a whole different ballgame.

The graphics are pretty, though bland. Colors are washed out and lots of textures are flat and uninteresting which might at least be in theme with a mech game I suppose. The cinematics are top notch as is expected from Squeenix. There isn't a whole lot of replayability. You can start a new game with all your EP and money from a previous game, but only the hardcore will care to use that boost to try different setups and unlock all the hidden Simulator battles which are the only way of grinding.
For those who like it, incredible depth of tactics and a suspenseful political plot with some decent voice acting outweighs the easy difficulty curve and serviceable, but bland visuals.

Buyer's Guide:
Available for the PS2.

4 Everything explodes out of 5

Shadow of the Colossus (2005 / 2011 in HD)

Genre: Action / Adventure  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Team Ico

Team Ico’s follow-up to ICO (2001) is a very different kind of game. Nevertheless, there’s the feeling that they both exist within the same fictional universe, making SotC a spiritual sequel.* It’s the story of a boy and his horse. There’s also the matter of a dead girlfriend. Wander (the boy) will do whatever's required to bring her back from beyond the veil, even kill at the behest of a mysterious voice.

Combat is essentially a series of boss battles. The Colossi are the kind of thing you’d face at the end of a Legend of Zelda dungeon. Many are so large that they need to be climbed so that you can attack their vulnerable spot, but just finding the Colossi can be a challenge in itself because the game world is vast.

Your only companions are your horse Agro and your conscience. As you traverse deserts and plains you’ll see man-made structures reclaimed by nature, signs of a once-great civilisation. The loneliness gives you time to reflect on your deeds but will likely bore anyone seeking a quick fix. Seriously, there's almost nothing to do outside of the core objective. Some side-missions would've been nice, but I can understand why they weren't included. The ambitious, uncompromising vision of the game designers is clear to see but will be the very thing that alienates people the most. If possible, trying before buying is definitely recommended.

Most of the story doesn't happen until the last quarter. Until then you’re the principal part of a mystery, required to repeatedly take a life in the hope that aggressive single-mindedness will result in your wish being granted.

The colossi will defend themselves like any animal would and should, but that doesn't change the fact that you‘re the trespasser. You’re the greater evil. The sadness and silent cries of ‘Why?’ on the faces of the victims cuts deep.

Like ICO did, it forces you to ask questions as you play. Why does the game try so very hard to instil a sense of guilt in the player? Are Wander's actions selfless or the product of a beleaguered conscience? How exactly did the girl die? We can take nothing for granted. We can only hope that the end justifies the means. In essence, it's like acting out a Greek myth.

New players will likely have trouble with the horse. Keep in mind that he isn't a car, so don’t try to control him as such. Spur him on, use the reins to direct him and leave him to it. He can be an idiot at times, but mostly you won’t need to negotiate every turn or corner because he’s quite capable of doing that himself.

4½ surmountable bods out of 5

*There’s evidence within SotC to suggest that it may actually be the second part of a trilogy being told in reverse. If so, that would make it a prequel to ICO. The theory will remain just that unless the third game, The Last Guardian, sheds new light. I don’t expect it’ll confirm either way, but I live in hope.

Note: SotC was re-released in 2011 as one half of The ICO and Shadow of the Colossus Collection HD. For more info on ICO, stab right about HERE.

ICO (2001 / 2011 in HD)

Genre: Adventure / Puzzle / 3D Platformer  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Team Ico

ICO is an adventure game unlike any that the PS2 had seen before. You play as the titular character (pronounced Eee-co), a young lad with horns on his head. His adventure begins in a large room inside a larger castle. You'll have a fair idea why he’s there, but won’t know why he was chosen. Was it because of the horns or some other reason? We also don’t know why there’s a second individual, a caged female, perhaps a little older than Ico, who doesn't speak the same language as the boy. If they’re to escape before whatever it is they've been offered up to comes for them they must somehow overcome barriers and work together.

Unable to communicate verbally the pair exchange meaning via gestures, inflections and discernible emotions. If you want her to follow you the best way is to grab her hand and lead her. United by circumstance you become guide and protector. The bond that develops between them is all important, and mostly it’s up to you to create and sustain it. Is it a love story? Perhaps. It’s certainly a story of chivalry and mutual respect. If you fail to take an interest in that aspect of it then you may as well quit playing before you've even begun.

There’s no tutorial, no HUD and no objectives other than escape. To do that you’ll be required to solve puzzles and overcome challenges, including avoiding the clutches of the creepy shadow people that rise from the ground, determined to drag the girl into their shadowy existence.

As you progress though the castle you’ll catch glimpses of areas you've been and areas you've yet to reach. You know walls are basically just textures arranged at right angles, but it feels solid. The higher you go the more the defiant wind howls, carrying with it the call of the raging sea and the occasional bird. The prevalent atmosphere is one of wonder coupled with unknowable dangers.

The camera is a point of contention for some people. It’s fixed like a movie camera, but you can pivot and zoom at any time, even during cut scenes, and it’ll swing or pan as you run by to encompass the enormity of the environment. If you had complete freedom to move it wherever you liked then the puzzling aspect would be less effective and it would be arguably less dramatic visually.

Combat is simplistic. You hit things with a stick. You might be lucky and have something other than a stick, but the available actions never change. It doesn't matter. Like everything else in the game, it gives you only what you need. Even Michiru Ōshima's beautifully evocative music is minimal. The ambient sounds of the castle are the soundtrack the majority of the time.

I've maybe made it sound less than perfect in some ways but only because I don’t want to give a false allusion. It’s a game that doesn't rely on gimmicks. It uses emotion as a narrative device, wherein a small person can make a big difference, and for which an understanding of friendship is a key requirement.

5 flights to freedom (and stairs) out of 5

Note: ICO was re-released in 2011 as one half of The ICO and Shadow of the Colossus Collection HD. For more info on SotC, click HERE.

Assassin's Creed II (2009)

Genre: Action  / Adventure  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Ubisoft

I was disappointed we didn't get the historical Japanese setting that was hinted at in the previous game, but that was softened by Ass Creed II outperforming its predecessor in every way. I replayed it recently and can confidently say that it’s still my favourite of the entire series so far. I don’t have first-hand experience of any version other than the PS3, but as far as it goes it works straight out of the box, without the need for patches or updates and it was glitch free. The only reset I was forced to perform was when I had more than a dozen enemies pursuing me simultaneously over a large distance and got overly-happy with the smoke bombs, the PS3 RAM didn't like that much, but that’s what I get for pissing about; none of the mission objectives will ask that kind of activity of you.

Ezio’s training in the past, sometime around the second half of fifteenth century Renaissance Italy, is a crucial element in Desmond’s education and evolution as an assassin in the present. It’s a small link between the two eras, but at least it’s something. Bless them for trying. The story even has a go at addressing the reason everyone speaks fluent English (except when it’s more dramatic for them to revert to their native Italian); it made me chuckle.

If you want to take the experience further there are many database entries filled with facts about the era and a large dollop of supposition about the people featured in the story. It's entirely optional, but it's a nice addition.

Surely there are some down sides? Of course, there’s a few. The frame rate isn't perfect, but that’s likely the trade-off for the world being so open and the draw distance. Secondly, there’s historian Shaun Hastings, an NPC that you’re forced to interact with more than once in order to advance the story. He looks like a git, he sounds like a git and he behaves like a git, ergo, he's a contemptible git.

Note: The missing/corrupt memories you encounter are filled in via DLC. It’s Ubisoft, after all, and that’s how they roll. They claim the levels just weren't ready in time, but I don’t believe that for a second. They just wanted more of your cash. They didn't get mine. The eventual GOTY edition has it all in one place.

A direct sequel to the story, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, was released on November 2010 for PS3, Xbox 360, PC and Mac. Milk that titty, Ubisoft.

4 beneficial bleedings out of 5

Front Mission Evolved (2010)

Genre: 3rd Person Shooter | Players: 1 - 8 | Developer: Double Helix Games

Dylan Ramsey is on the job testing his company's new wanzer (aka mech) prototype in New York when a mysterious force invades and destroys the city's orbital elevator as well as the building where Dylan's father works as a wanzer scientist. Dylan then takes a special commission in the army to avenge his father and take down the soldiers responsible which will set him into a larger geopolitical quagmire (as it always does in this series).

The latest and most likely last entry in the Front Mission series ditches the turn-based tactical gameplay for a more traditional 3rd person action experience. Traditional being the key word as the gameplay is pretty standard. Despite being in mechs, there isn't a whole lot that distinguishes it from any other 3rd person shooter or even the sections outside of the wanzers. The wanzers can feel lumbering, but it is mostly tedious when you just want to skate to get around faster, but can't because the gauge needs to refill. Shooting outside of wanzers is even more generic as now the fleeting feeling of piloting a mech is gone and all the player is left with is a cookie cutter shooter. Not to mention these on-foot sections are so incredibly piss-easy that they feel like padding just to add a "feature" to the back of the box. You rarely encounter a handful of enemies at a time and there is spare ammo everywhere. The auto aim is also broken if the target is moving at all. Turning it off actually made the shooting much better since I could shoot while they were moving instead of endless cover-based pop-up potshots.

Customizing the wanzer for different objectives can be great fun, but the generic action doesn't really lend itself to anything other than the standard mid-range weapons outside of plot specific events where the game forces you to play differently. Sure there is limb specific damage, but it doesn't really matter since enemies and yourself can still use them, just less effectively. Destroying legs does make enemies and the player move slower, but in the space of 20 second battles, the same amount of time and effort could just be used killing most enemies. The boss battles are a different beast and are where actually knowing the advantages of different setups is actually helpful as well as all the piloting controls since if you don't the battle will literally be over in 3 seconds. This can be problematic if your setup isn't up to the task and you don't have any cash to switch loadouts forcing you to switch to weaker and cheaper parts to change weapons. This is a crack in the difficulty curve, but the battles are exciting and really the highlight of the game. The feeling of piloting was less fleeting while skating to avoid missiles while simultaneously firing a machine gun, locking on missile targets and avoiding EMP bombs. There is also the E.D.G.E. system which is just another name for bullet-time which works fine, but I went most of the game without using.

The story is serviceable, though simplified. The intricate political plots of past entries are mostly gone, for better or worse. In its place is a much more generic revenge plot with an unnecessary romantic subplot that the game doesn't even take the time to earn any emotional investment in as well as other opportunities involving changing loyalties and deaths of characters. Despite the balance issues and the overall generic gameplay, there are some shining bits of entertainment to be found.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on PS3, Xbox 360 and PC

3 insane bands of mercenaries out of 5

The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds (2013)

Genre: Action / Adventure | Players: 1 | Developer: Nintendo EAD, Monolith Soft

It’s important to know what this game is, and what it isn’t. It isn’t a DS Zelda game starring Toon Link. It doesn’t bother with any stylus or badly executed split-screen shenanigans. I use my thumb to access the menus and I hold the 3DS like a handheld is intended to be for action-adventure games.

It isn’t a remake of A Link to the Past. It’s far more accurate to say that this shares the general maps of that game to create an experience that both rewards you for your intimate knowledge of them and consistently challenges your expectations in the same satisfying way as Maverick Hunter X.

The main gimmick on display is the ability to merge into walls, making Link 2D while the camera rotates down and to the side, presenting the world in 3D. Popping in and out can be disorienting but my adjustment period was remarkably brief. Thank goodness, as the mechanic is used EXTENSIVELY and never grows stale.

Outside of one dungeon, the ones on display can legitimately be tackled in any order. You could play the Dark World somewhat out of order in LttP, and if you were alright with finding out halfway through one that you were missing an essential item, you were free to do so in the original game, as well. Here, however, the dungeons are marked with runes at their entrances denoting which items are required for successful completion. You can first rent and then later buy many of the series’ staple items at a central shop and this is what makes true freedom of play possible.

I’m always going to tackle the Swamp Palace second, but in both of my playthroughs I’ve gone wildly out of order, otherwise. The biggest boon of A Link Between Worlds is manifest here: instead of literal carbon-copy maidens, the sages are legitimate characters a la the 3D Zelda games. I care about saving them and the order in which I will.

There are a few negatives, however. The analog stick makes aiming the hookshot a bit hairy, but that very imprecision is harnessed for appropriate balancing sections, to compensate. The game tells you that you should take a break occasionally when you save, too.

Petty bullshit complaints, I know. Bottom line: LBW remixes and updates LttP while introducing the most crucial element of 3D Zeldas to the 2D plane. The best 2D Zelda by countless miles, sanjou~

Buyer’s Guide: It’s a 3DS exclusive.

4 Tsundere Witches Stole My Heart out of 5

I do not have binocular fusion and are thus incapable of experiencing 3D. 

Don't ask me how it looks here, or in any other 3DS game.