The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (2011)

Genre: Action / Adventure | Players: 1 | Developer: Nintendo EAD Group No. 3

The first full Legend of Zelda game built exclusively from the ground up to work with the Wii controller gives you all combat abilities from the beginning. It's perhaps by way of an apology for the actual fighting being so damn awkward.
Over time you’ll learn to compensate for the impreciseness, but there’s nothing in Link’s repertoire of moves that couldn't have been successfully mapped to a conventional controller; a Game Cube controller, for example.

There are one or two minor things that do actually benefit from onscreen action mimicking physical motion but I’d have traded them in an instant, because the sheer number of things that don’t work, that feel like a second-rate compromise, far outnumber them and it needs CONSTANT recalibrating.

There’s an obvious attempt at expanding the scope of the usual gameplay while simultaneously keeping it faithful to the core experience. Consequently, it’s a game with two distinct identities: 50% of it is wonderful, even the overly-familiar stuff, and the other 50% is a depressing chore. It holds the dubious honour of being the only proper LoZ title that I will never, ever want to play again.

There’s a hub world and three main areas with a Dungeon on each. There’s often a lot to do before you reach the actual Dungeon entrance, but once inside it’s business as usual, with some new additions, of course, because each new entry in the series introduces something new.

That’s the mechanics and map, but what of Link’s motivations? He’s searching for one person. He doesn't enter dungeons to rid them of evil or to cleanse the world for the greater good. He enters dungeons to find his friend. It’s a small scale noble endeavour, but he’s essentially trespassing. He helps people along the way but not for what you’d typically call selfless reasons.

I found myself unable to connect with Link emotionally, which is something I've not had issue with in the past. In the end my persistence came down to ‘I want to get through this because it’s a LoZ game and I'm invested in the franchise,’ and not the more enjoyable ‘I want to get through this to save X from Y and restore peace to the land.’ I just wanted closure, not to be a legendary hero. That realisation saddened me deeply, but was a completely inescapable factor.

Scoring is difficult. Compared to regular adventure games it stands apart, but when compared solely to other Legend of Zelda titles it's a disappointing:

3½ grabitude crackles out of 5

NOTE: If you're considering playing the game, FIRST READ the entry titled Song of the Hero Game Ending Error on the Zelda Wiki or you'll run the risk of activating a programming error that'll break your game midway through.

Tony Hawk's Proving Ground (2007)

Genre: Sport | Players: 1 or Online Multi

Developer: Neversoft (Xbox 360 + PS3) / Page 44 Studios (PS2 + Wii)

I consider myself a veteran when it comes to the Tony Hawk games. I’ve played Pro Skater 1, 2, 3 and 4, Underground 1 and 2, American Wasteland and this. That’s eight games in all. I've seen the series climb from humble but hopeful beginnings to the spectacular heights of THPS3, and then subsequently fall hard on its ass, clutching at wild ideas that have little to do with skating. Proving Ground was a new low. There’s not enough room here to list everything that’s wrong with it.

There’s a story of sorts. You’re a noob, barely able to ollie a pebble. With help from the Pros you’ll learn new tricks, new skills, a new way of looking at things and, like the series itself in the early days, climb the ladder of success.

There are three environments: Baltimore, Philadelphia and Washington. They exist as one large open-world area. There’s no loading as you traverse from one to the other, but there’s loading at other times to make up for it, like when you cock-up a task for the twentieth time because they’re so fucking difficult.

A number of in-game arcade machines are littered around the environment that, once unlocked, will allow you to play something called Tony Hawk 2000. The score targets, the goals, the collect S-K-A-T-E and C-O-M-B-O tasks are recreated as they were in the early games. It’s a game within a game, so you’re still in the same environment, but it’s a lot more fun than the main game. They should have dispensed with all that other crap and made TH2000 the focus.

Extras include short promos (i.e. adverts) and, for some reason, a Rolling Stones video, Sympathy for the devil. Best Stones song ever! Wait… it’s a Fatboy Slim remix. Bloody Hell. The disappointment never ends.

Amazingly, the multiplayer aspect is still available at time of writing. Game modes are: Graffiti, Trick Attack, H.O.R.S.E and Free Skate. You should be able to figure out what they entail by the names.

2 sketchy reverts out of 5

GoldenEye 007 (1997)

Genre: Awesome as Fuck | Players: 1 – 4 | Developer: Rare

It’s hard to believe in the current gaming climate that a title based on a movie licence could be so damn good, but this one was and still is. I acknowledge the debt the FPS genre owes to Doom (1993) and Quake (1996) and the like, but, for me and many others, GoldenEye is the pinnacle and the epitome of the FPS. I don’t even like FPS games in general, but it has something special and that ingredient wasn't James Bond, because I don’t even like Bond very much either.

The single player story has you playing through events of the 1995 film of the same name. You have objectives to fulfil and access to level-specific gadgets to help achieve them. Some objectives are optional, but you're rewarded at the end for doing them and for the time taken.
Unlock the hardest mode (007 Mode) and you can even tinker with enemy attributes, increasing or lessening health, accuracy, damage and reaction time.

It finds a balance between linearity and player freedom that lets you do certain objectives in the order that best suits your playing style. You can go stealthy, choose to go all out with guns blazing, or more sensibly mix the two in an adaptive style that gives you the best of both worlds.

The quality of the game, the calibre of the developer and the sheer enjoyment attained from having 4 players onscreen at the same time, in the same room, with one-shot-kill turned on remains unsurpassed.
The Facility is the most perfectly designed level in a FPS that I've ever seen. The tight corridors and dangerous corners make every gaming session a tense, pants-shitting joy to play. It was so good they recreated it for Perfect Dark (2000).

It helps that I think the N64 controller is the best one Nintendo ever made, despite not having a second analogue stick. It fits in the hand beautifully, it has that satisfyingly responsive Z trigger and the additional, optional Rumble Pak gives it extra weight that makes it feel even more solid. If you're a real pro you can even have a controller in each hand and fire dual wielded pistols independently!

5 indicative barrel twitches out of 5

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (2006)

Genre: Action, Adventure | Players: 1 | Developer: Nintendo EAD Group No. 3

When it comes to many console Zelda games there is a distinct formula at play: 3 dungeon items, Master Sword, more dungeon items, Light Arrows, Ganon(dorf). Zelda is stagnant in this regard. Still, I will offer the following defense: While dungeons follow the same themes they are outfitted with rooms and rooms of new puzzles and new items. You may defeat bosses with treasures found in their respective lairs, but even the series’ staple gear is usually given new features. New art-styles and radically different modes of travel occasionally crop up. None of this can be said of the Uncharted series or New Super Mario Bros.

It was Twilight Princess’s aesthetic that drew me to it. It isn’t as iconic as Ocarina, I will admit, but I have a soft-spot for the sepia strokes used to color the visuals and story. Midna is undeniably one of the best-realized characters in the entire franchise. She isn’t just an annoying tutorial given humanoid form. She’s manipulative and out for her own, yes, but she’s quite good at it and her association with Link is consistent food for thought. In addition to her, there’s a reliance on cutscenes which shift the story focus from simply the lore of Hyrule to the specifics of Link’s heroism in relation to a small cast of characters.

On the gameplay side, the first half forcibly alternates you between two distinct styles: as a human in Hyrule proper and as a wolf in the Twilight Realm’s shadow, which has been cast across the land. This focuses your early exploration on locations you wouldn't normally visit and prevents you from being distracted by items you can't collect until later, anyway. The game does make you put rupees back into chests if your wallet can't hold them, but this is to prevent grinding to fulfill the game's three investment schemes. Upon completion, you get a reward that indirectly remedies this problem.

The motion controls of the Wii version are admittedly slightly imprecise for the brief flight segments but this is handily outweighed by the logical movements (e.g., both types of fishing and shield bashing) and especially the chance to physically aim the bow, boomerang, and clawshot.

Quite simply, Twilight Princess excels as a Zelda experience because it infuses the practiced puzzle-driven action-adventure gameplay of Ocarina with a highly cinematic, character-centric story. I can’t ask for much more out of a game.

Buyer’s Guide: Though it originated as a GameCube game it was released on both GC and Wii. The Wii version is far more readily available and affordable at this point, however. It should be noted that this version is completely mirrored to accommodate the right-handed populace.

5 Paths of the One, Made by the Many out of 5

Link's Crossbow Training (2007)

Genre: First + Third Person Shooter | Players: 1 - 4

Developer: Nintendo EAD Group No. 3

Bundled with the Wii Zapper peripheral, the ‘game’ is more like a Twilight Princess (2006) mini-game that got a separate release. It’s a variation of Duck Hunt without the ducks; instead they're enemies from the Legend of Zelda universe. Environments are similarly themed and will be familiar to anyone that played TP.

The objective is to hit targets with arrows fired from your crossbow. You’re not required to reload the bow, it’s fully automatic, and you won’t run out of arrows, but you will run out of time. Each stage gives you a set amount of time to achieve the minimum score needed to advance. If you fail to achieve it you’ll have to redo that particular level again from the beginning. There are only nine playable levels, divided into three gameplay styles, with each being slightly more interesting than the one that preceded it. I’ll list them in the order they’re presented in the game:

Target Shooting:
The traditional circular Crossbow Target with the bullseye in the centre. They start out stationary, but as you progress they begin to move and/or get further away, making targeting more difficult. Your score increases faster if you hit targets in succession without missing. It’s all very boring.

Defender:
You have to defend Link from advancing enemies by shooting them as hurriedly as possible. You remain rooted to one spot but can swing your POV 360°, so expect to be attacked from all sides.
If you get hit by an enemy, or an enemy projectile, you’ll lose points. There was a sense of immediate danger that the previous mode lacked, and getting to fire upon an actual enemy was slightly less boring. At least it was the first and second time, but not so much the third, fourth, fifth…

Ranger:
The only game mode in which you get to move around as Link. As before, you’ll be shooting enemies, but you’re able to strafe and manoeuvre past obstacles to get a better view. This is where you'll be able to get the really high score multipliers.

Beat all of those (it should take about an hour) and you’ll go up against the game’s only boss battle. Boss battles are traditionally one of the highlights of a Zelda game and the same applies here. Find a weak spot that needs your attention and tear it a new one. And then you’re done. Game over. There’s no replay value unless you like to challenge yourself to beat your own scores and earn worthless medals that don’t do anything.

1 bottomless quiver out of 5

Max Payne 3 (2012)

Genre: Action / 3rd Person shooter | Players: 1 - 16 (Online)
Developer: Rockstar Vancouver

MP3 is ugly. Really fuckin' ugly. It’s as it was designed by a student of Filmmaking 101 who was eager to use in a game all the filters his DV camera had to offer; all the filters his tutor told him not to use (unless the tutor was JJ Abrams). It’s a neon hell saturated in crap like TV scan lines, colour channels split and offset over the image, distortion, noise, strobes and lens flare. Why? None of it makes any sense aesthetically. I'm not lying when I say there was some FMV I couldn't even bear to watch. I had to close my eyes and just listen.

It’s a good thing it has a story, right? The 'story' (for lack of a better word) is just as bad. Max has grown up, but the writing hasn't. The dialogue is unrealistic, but realism doesn't seem to have been its primary goal, so I guess that’s okay. It seems to have been aiming for something akin to hardboiled noir. Noir is a tough thing to achieve, it requires the proper intonations and a voice that has the correct amount of gravitas. Max doesn't have that. What he does have is a personality that’s pulled out of the Big Book of Clichéd Personalities for the First Time Writer: Chapter One: The Washed-up Cop with a Drinking Problem.

Missions involve killing people on rooftops, killing people in nightclubs, killing people in corridors and, just to shake it up a little, killing people during on-rails action scenes; all of which can be done in slow motion.

During missions you have the option to look for clues that make no difference to the outcome whatsoever. All they do is initiate a short V/O from Max about what he thinks is happening or a recollection from his past. It helps give an insight into his tortured mind, but in truth he’s not a character that I wanted to know better.

There are some positives. Max will snap to cover behind a convenient barrier or pillar easily, from which he’s able to shoot bad guys as they run towards him like kamikaze dolls. And the targeting is reasonably accurate.

In short, MP3 is an ugly game that's perfect for people obsessed with guns and killing, but will leave those wanting a more engaging experience unfulfilled.

1½ shit sandwiches out of 5

Beyond Good and Evil (HD edition) (2011)

Genre: Action / Adventure | Players: One | Developer: Ubisoft

BG+E was originally released in 2003 for PC and consoles. The 2011 version is an HD release with updated visuals to make it look more attractive on modern TV equipment. Beneath the polish it's the same game with the same aged camera system and inherent game engine limitations. I played through it multiple times back in the day (on PS2), so am in a good position to judge whether the update is successful or not. It is, but it’s not perfect. I encountered some minor glitches that I didn't fall prey to before. It was mostly due to bad luck and my trying to cut corners, but I'd to reload twice because I'd slipped between scenery. Freakish accidents aside, the game has aged beautifully.

You play as Jade, a human female. She's aided by her uncle Pey'j, who's... er... a talking pig. The characterisation is top class, and they exist in a believable world. Environments aren't very large and the boundaries aren't at all far apart, but it never feels too squished or constricting.

Combat is simple. If you’re savvy to what goes on around you then you’ll rarely die during fights. The most danger you’ll encounter will be during stealth sections. I detest stealth in games, but there’s so much else to enjoy that I was able to suffer it. Mercifully, it’s not overly challenging either.

You’ll occasionally be required to solve puzzles, in the style of The Legend of Zelda, but they’re few and far between; I’d have liked more.

Your motivation is the exposure of a political conspiracy. You’ll need to participate in some limited non-story quests and item-hunts if you’re to advance it at specific points. Far from being a distraction, they're a large part of what makes the game interesting. Whilst off the beaten track you’ll be on the lookout for wildlife to photograph. Catalogue enough unique specimens and you’ll be rewarded. You don’t need to find every one if you don’t want to.

Likewise, something the game uses for currency needs to be hunted/earned, but you won’t need to find them all to get to the end - and what an ending it is!

It’s no spoiler to say that a sequel is (maybe) on the way. I've been hungry for it for many years, but it seems as if it’ll skip the current gen entirely and if it ever does appear it’ll likely be on PC, PS4 and XBone. That makes me twitch.

A large part of what makes the game special is the stunning voice work. It has the correct amount of pathos, helping the concern each character feels for the other be also felt by the player. I was compelled to push on and remedy the emotional burden that weighs on Jade’s spirit as the story progressed. Gaming experiences like that don't come along very often.

4 boxes of K-Bups out of 5