Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare (2010)

Genre: 3rd Person Shooter / Action  |  Players: One / Online Multi  |

Developer: Rockstar North / Rockstar San Diego

All they had to do was give us more of the same awesomeness for this Red Dead Redemption expansion and I'd have fapped in their coffee cups.  But they didn’t, they changed things, which is a pleasant way of saying they fucked it up.

The undead have appeared in the Wild West and waste no time in shitting up everyone’s routine.  You once again play as John Marston; his quiet life has been interrupted so he sets out to remedy it.  You’ll meet some old friends from RDR along the way, so it pays to have played it first.

The core game mechanic is the same but what they do with it is painfully formulaic.  You ride into town, kill zombies, ride into the next town, kill some zombies, ride into the next town… yawn.

Beyond that, the game is an endless hunt for ammunition.  You can’t buy it.  You have to farm it from the dead zombies.  To kill a zombie you have to get a headshot and blow his/her brains all over the dusty plains.  Worse still, to save a town from being overrun you have to give away a portion of your precious ammo to the townsfolk, who, in an act of asshat economics, will get overrun again 2 hours later while you’re off doing something else, and they will all die.  Your great heroic deed is for naught.  You could drop what you’re doing at the time and go save their sorry asses again but that is even more tedious than farming for ammo from dead dead people.

In the regions where there’s no high ground for you to climb, you’ll spend 90% of your time running away from a horde of hungry dead cretins so you can line up a shot.  By the time you’ve picked off 2 or 3 the remainder are clawing at you, killing you; you will die.  When you respawn they will all be back but your valued ammo stock will still be depleted.  To succeed you have to drop your aim and run away some more, etc.  It’s hateful and it’s the polar opposite of fun.

Heaven forbid your horse gets killed.  You’ll be stuck with a zombie horse that controls like a supermarket trolley; the one with the wobbly wheel.  I’m not even kidding.  The bastard nag won’t run straight.  He’ll pull you off ledges and bridges and into rocks and trees.  I couldn't even gain any joy in shooting it in the head because technically it was already dead.

Fuck you, Rockstar.  You turned one of the best sandbox games you've ever made into the worst sandbox game you’ve ever made.  I may well be the only person that doesn't think this is good but I care not.  I can't even give it away as I bought it from PSN.  Another reason to hate digital D/L.

Buyer’s Guide:

Available on PS3 and Xbox 360 as a D/L from the stores.  The D/L can either be as regular DLC, or as a full game (also available on disc) which will give you access to further add-ons, and multiplayer even with those that just own the original RDR.

2 run away, shoot, run away, run away, shoot, farm ammo out of 5

Lollipop Chainsaw (2012)

Genre: Action | Players: 1 | Developer: Grasshopper Manufacture

A cheerleader and a disembodied head ridding the world of zombies whilst surrounded by pop-culture references a plenty. What could possibly go wrong? Plenty of things, but not enough to ruin the experience entirely. As someone not familiar with much of Suda 51’s previous work, I’d have to say the overall vibe of the game is defined by sexual humor which is more often clever and self-aware than it is crude or juvenile. On the whole, I do like Juliet Starling, as she manages to balance a practiced obliviousness and absurdist sense of humor with her own strange wisdom and obscene physical prowess. Nick (the head) effortlessly plays straight man and doles out gameplay advice. He even gets in on the action in both required and optional ways.

Despite this, Juliet’s moveset is severely lacking until you can manage to purchase a few of her more flashy and powerful chainsaw strikes. These will be very familiar to anyone who has played X-Men Origins: Wolverine. For those who haven’t, just imagine a lot of spinning and death. Until I had the more critical techniques, combat felt too deliberate and slow, with much focus placed on stunning zombies before being able to destroy them.

This slowed pace was exacerbated by two key problems: the checkpoint system and the mini-games. While the game as a whole feels a bit short, the levels themselves feel paradoxically long. Checkpoints exist in each level, but if you exit at any time, you are forced to start over again. This is especially painful given that mini-games are scattered through each level, which, early on, bring the game to a grinding halt. If instead of being peppered into the story itself, they were selectable in an extras menu—akin to those in House of the Dead: Overkill—they'd be wonderful.

To combat the overall length of the story, one can play levels in a ranked mode (wherein Juliet must beat her dad’s scores) as well as work to unlock a bevy of extras such as costumes and songs. These songs can even be arranged into a custom playlist.

If you can set aside the time to play each level in a single shot, and you’re a fan of Suda 51, I can recommend getting this game on the cheap. There’s enough interesting gameplay ideas and strange humor to warrant a spin if you’re aware of its pitfalls.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on PS3 and Xbox 360. Snoop around for a deal online, now, or wait a few months for a price drop, locally.

3 Auto-tuned Prophets of Funk out of 5

Dead Nation (2010)

Genre: Shoot 'Em Up | Players: 1 or 2 (co-op) | Developer: Housemarque

Dead Nation is a top-down perspective twin-stick shooter like the classic Smash TV; if you don’t remember STV, ask your father and watch his eyes mist over. One stick controls character movement, while the other stick controls the direction of fire. It can be initially confusing, but once your brain gets in the zone it feels as intuitive as scratching your balls while simultaneously changing the TV channel.

You play as a male or female character, but it’s purely cosmetic, they have the same set of skills and firepower. You begin each of the ten levels at Point A and have to make it to Point B alive to advance the story.  hat’s easier said than done, because the game is old-school hard. Pussies need not apply.

The more zombies you kill the more cash you acquire. Get a multitude of kills in a row without taking damage and you’ll be awarded with a multiplier that grants even more cash. Cash is used mid-level to purchase new weapons and upgrades.

It’s possible to use the environment to get kills, but blowing up cars also has the unwelcome side-effect of attracting more zombies to your location.

If you take the time to explore the environment you can find new armour that will aid you by increasing your agility and/or the number of hits you can take before you bleed all over the ground.

The gameplay is polished, and the visuals are really quite beautiful in a dark and dreary way; for a PSN game it’s impressive. However, to really enjoy Dead Nation you’ll need a friend; either online or locally. The co-op dynamic is well-balanced with a surprising amount of depth beneath the surface. Play alone and you’ll likely get bored very quickly, because gameplay is repetitive.

Note: An add-on pack was released entitled Road of Devastation, but I've not played it. I suspect it's more of the same, but can't say for sure. Use comments if you know any different.

Buyers Guide:
PSN only.  A physical release at a sweet budget price would've been welcome.

3 times wondering why Peter Fonda is on the cover? out of 5

House of the Dead: Overkill (2009)

Genre: On-rails shooter | Players: 2 | Developer: Headstrong Games

Do you like grind house films? Do you like whacked out shit and curse-laden humor? Then, House of the Dead: Overkill is for you, brother. If you’re looking for an on-rails shooter with laughs, gore, and challenge to spare, Overkill will definitely scratch that itch for you. The situations Agent G and Detective Isaac Washington are put into are delightfully (yet somewhat comfortably) over the top, and do stand up to many repeat experiences. This is mainly due to the spot-on light-gun gameplay afforded by the Wii-remote, but also because of the collection system and the hard mode.

What’s in the collection system isn’t too much to write home about, aside from being able to listen to the great tunes featured in the game. Character models and art panels are worthless, sure, but the challenge of destroying the golden brains in every level is honestly its own reward. At least in the normal mode. I found that the various “achievements” only helped me earn money in that mode and completing everything again in the “Director’s Cut” would have required getting incrimentally higher scores to grind for money to rebuild my arsenal. On normal, you should have no problem maxing out the stock array of weaponry, ranging from pistols, to shotguns, semi-automatics, and even an automatic shotgun. Another gun is found as part of the narrative, as well. These systematically increase the fun you can have blowing away enemies as you improve them.

There are also a few extra challenges that have you defeating ever-increasing waves of “infected,” and protecting survivors. Appropriately, a carnival style shooting gallery is even included. I only found these to be momentary distractions, but they tend to be popular mini-games in this genre and they are not unwelcome as they are completely seperated from the game itself. Additionally, two players can play the entire game simultaneously. This works perfectly fine, as both can use whatever weapons are currently available. A variant of this, in the form of dual-wielding, can be unlocked for both modes.

As long as you aren’t anal enough to want to collect every extra in hard mode, this game shouldn’t wear out its welcome over many playthroughs. Simply put, this stands as a relatively complete (main) package of gore-y, adult-oriented entertainment.

Buyer’s Guide:
Originally a Wii exclusive, Overkill found its way onto the PS3 last year with Move support, 3D visuals, two new levels and two playable characters, as House of the Dead: Overkill — Extended Cut

If for some reason you actually have a Move, I’d say get that version. It should only be able to help justify your purchase. Otherwise, go used bin hunting for an original copy.

3½ Goregasms out of 5

Nutted by NEG