Nut Load. Mini reviews of games old and new. No fuss. No spoilers. Occasional shock face.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Justice League Heroes (2006)

Genre: Action / RPG | Players: 1 | Developer: Snowblind Studios

This is a review of the DS version of Justice League Heroes only, NOT the home console versions.

After an awesome opening scene that left my jaw a few inches lower than usual, and had me wondering how they made something look so good on such a small screen, the game began. My jaw fell even further in disbelief. How could they turn something with such promise into something so piss poor? It takes a real anti-talent to fuck up such an amazing licence.

You play as either The Flash or Wonder Woman as you battle robotic enemies that are hell-bent on stumbling around and killing you from afar. It’s like Double Dragon from a not-quite-top-down perspective. As you progress (i.e. endure) you’ll unlock new shitty abilities and be given new ‘Heroes’ to control. There are seven in all, with a further eight unlockables. The choice of ‘Heroes’ is well-chosen, if only they weren't so pitiful and useless.

I admit I gave up long before the game's end. The repetitive button bashing , the slowdown when more than three enemies were onscreen at the same time, and the poor response of the touch-screen all took a very real toll on me. Even at my age (old enough to know better) I can take great joy in pretending to be Batman, and …er… Wonder Woman. However, I can’t take joy from a poorly made failure of a game that utterly wasted a licence.

Buyers Guide:
Don’t. If you do your friends will poke fun at you; that's what friends are for.

0 post-title scene enjoyment out of 5

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